George Bass

Never trust a bloke whose name is an anagram of sulk on me.

Video games shaped my life decisions too. Played Pac-Man as a kid - running around in the dark eating power pills and getting chased - and today am a licensed bouncer.

Butler 'smuggled £27,000 of organic food into Downing Street for Boris' Some of the items appear to have been covered by the wife of a Tory donor, according to reports.

Can’t believe he abused multiple contacts. The only app he ever opened was Deliveroo: metro.co.uk/2021/05/22/b...

He heard Microsoft are giving out free Davek mini umbrellas.

Nobbles biscuits

After the Four Seasons Landscaping mix-up, we could always award him one of these and tell him he’s won.

Praying for a hidden track 7 that pays tribute to Southern Water. Working title: Orinoco Outflow.

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Hope they’ve reglazed that window in the boardroom.

Reform v Greens.

The producers should have got some politicians to do Celeb Traitors. They could have gone to the castle via bus.

Convinced they went with Tron Ares because it’s an anagram of A Snorter.

What’s next? “Pasty” as tomorrow’s Wordle?

Can’t be the only one who thought of the Fast Show as soon as they heard the title.

“He is currently recovering in a spa where staff have been coaxing him into ironed jeans and a black Barbour jacket, reassuring the Shadow Lord Chancellor that he’s still in touch.”

I live in Kent. I reckon I’ve got more chance of playing bongos on the next Taylor Swift album than I have of getting an apology from Reform.

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Superman III is a PG.

I’ll always remember the day my boss tapped me on the shoulder and said there was an Olympic hurdler outside in a mink hat waiting to replace me. “Sorry mate: it’s race communism. Nothing I can do,” he explained.

Even the pot plants have legged it.

I’m meant to phone the police every time I see the PA logo on the job. I never thought the biggest enemy I’d make would be the emergency switchboard operator.

“(Tommy Robinson) has proven himself a true friend of Israel and the Jewish people”.

I earn £10.71 an hour. Here’s what the cost of living crisis has been like With inflation hitting a 40-year high in the UK, I decided to start tracking my spending

Three years ago. The debits are still going up. www.ft.com/content/af63...

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Eight years since Distractions 😱 I reckon LP4 will be called Sorry, Got Trapped in Liquid Nitrogen.

“Starmer has big sheds that nobody’s allowed in. And inside these big sheds are 20ft-high chickens.”

How rich is the Chancellor Rachel Reeves? - London Business News | Londonlovesbusiness.com Curious about Rachel Reeves' wealth? Discover how rich the Chancellor Rachel Reeves really is and her financial journey.

I’m on a pound over minimum wage. The person who says she wants to end the cost of living crisis also said she struggled on £86K: londonlovesbusiness.com/how-rich-is-...

Speaking as someone who has to check ID at the door, I really hope the list also contains alcopops.

Nigel Fabergé.

I’ll miss the mischief 😂 Please drink responsibly, and make sure your fake ID is a decent one.

I’m a nightclub bouncer – here’s every flimsy excuse I’ve seen for a fake ID From prison papers to train tickets, when it comes to sneaking into clubs, door supervisor George Bass has seen every trick in the book. With whizzy digital IDs set to stall such skulduggery, he says ...

Worried about being tracked by your Brit card? As someone who has to watch CCTV, bodycams and bad behaviour at the bar, you’re probably already leaving a trail as wide as the M25. www.independent.co.uk/voices/night...

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Tune. Once again Jim’s dropping more bombs than Adam West.

Right now, a bloke who’s had his wisdom teeth removed is saying the exact same thing about going to Specsavers.