Adrienne

It's been awhile. Just know I've been fine but today started off great at work, and now I'm crashing out with mistakes. Vacation cannot come soon enough.

(I keep forgetting I have this app)

The Prodigal Daughter returneth... May 13th to June 3rd.

A field placement for my professional development program will be done in my hometown. Living at my mother's for 3 weeks.

Looking forward to it!

And I know if I raise it, I'll be dismissed or disregarded.

So, I've planned my escape. I know exactly what I'll do if some joke is cracked about how this lunch was planned. I'll leave. I know how to get back home.

Personally, I'm hoping for a soul-crushing migraine, but we'll see.

Aunt & Uncle and Mother are thrilled we're all getting together.

Meanwhile, I'm left wondering what happened to my East Indian lunch, and why am I invisible yet again?

Oh, right, because I'm single and childless, I have to accommodate those who aren't.

I cancel the reservation completely.

Sister then gets involved. She's available on the new day. Through a lot of back and forth (and my resignation of the planning after Sister says it's too far to drive), it's finally decided on a place in nearby city.

Aunt agrees.

I changed the reservation.

Brother then says we have to change the time and the location because his child will only eat burgers and fries when they're out and the original restaurant doesn't look child friendly.

Most recent one? I planned a 3 person lunch for myself and 2 older relatives at an East Indian restaurant. My aunt loves naan bread. Made reservations.

My mother suggested I see if my brother is available on that day.

He isn't, but he's available the following week.

My asking to get together for dinner or something because we live in the same city?

"We'll get back to you."

I follow up a week later.

"Now is not a good time."

I follow up a week later.

"I said we'll get back to you."

I give up. Still no plans.

My going to their place 2 hours away? It involves me planning a trip to our mother's, and booking time off work.

Their coming to mine? 2 hours is too far away.

Nothing ruins a good day like hearing my favourite radio personality is away this week.

Sigh...

Life has been funny lately, but I've confirmed a field placement, learned of a death of an acquaintance, and decided it's easier to let my siblings plan a family lunch than to get involved.

Picking my battles...

Just turned down an invitation to submit a proposal for a book chapter. Too much on the go right now. There will be other opportunities. I like the whole process - writing, submitting, editing, publishing - so I hope that in a year's time, I will have the breathing space to engage it again.

Facebook shared a memory of mine from more than 10 years ago, when I was commuting with a friend and colleague to Waterloo from Hamilton. I legitmately starting weeping because it was such a great memory of a great and profound time in my life. I miss that time and commute a lot.

I'm having more & more "I look like my mother" moments. I was always her "Mini Me". Lately, they've been to the point where I don't recognize my face as being MINE - I only see her(s).

Fairly certain there's something psychological there.

Watching ive tracking is wild. My delivery person has gone rogue so many times. It'll eventually get to me. The package has had quite a tour of Toronto.

Just downloaded everything for this term's professional development training. I find it amusing that I will be working on courses that are *exactly* my job.

(Not that I will be exceling at the assignments as there is a heavy focus on public libraries not academic, so there'll be a difference).

I swear this week is a month long.

Behold, my anxiety yesterday was nothing more than a short burst of a storm cloud. Everything is now going okay. *Cue the orchestral Grieg piece*.

Imposter syndrome is intense today. Forgive the earlier whinge.

I'm having one of those days when I desperately need a hug, and there's no one around I can ask for one (because I'm at work) and no one at home to give me one. And even if I were to be hugged, I would probably cry.

The Christmas card my sister gave our mother. It was the highlight of the family gathering.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night!

For clergy friends who have 2+ hours free during this busy season of Advent for a phone call, we give thanks.

(Bonus thanks for those clergy friends who also know the back story for why I no longer attend church and don't question the current state of my spirituality).

Sometimes, I do things that astound me because I'm stubborn. Probably because I don't do the things, they don't get done.

It would be nice, though to have someone help me so I don't have to be so stubbornly independent all the time.

I survived another semester of my PD training. This means I will gift myself a new beautiful pierced hole in my head. I'm thinking a conch this time. Already have both daiths and 4 helixes. Currently have 13 (6/7) in my ears. Tattoo will be when I finish. Huzzah!

Once nearly Nag Champa'd myself out of my apartment. Couldn't see my computer screen clearly so I had to open windows.

Really into one from Pretty Potions Apothecary that honours Freya with Amber and Apple.

Never forget.

(Ecole Polytechnique de Montreal, December 6 1989)

New mug bought yesterday. Already needed the reminder today.

I’m not single and ready to mingle, but I am unclaimed and moderately deranged.

The perfect Christmas tree ornament for my nephew: $18

Flat rate shipping via courier due to postal strike: $20

Going to a pop-up store on the one day it's open, at the busiest public transit hub in my city at the beginning of rush hour: an Act of Supreme Love... that had better be worth $20.