TheNothingNew

Letting the intrusive thoughts win and running through an apple orchard with a nail gun, just plugging fruit at random.

Walked past an LCD screen showing static and it took me a full minute to realize how fucked up that is.

To say nothing of natural disasters and such.
Kurgan wandering the Nevada wastes for centuries because the last bastard he's looking for died in a now-abandoned Gold Rush mine and is living out a personal hell half a mile below the surface.

There has to have been a Highlander who died of old age, right?
Some guy on his deathbed undergoes the Quickening for the first time and is just stuck living out his final few minutes over and over again.

Organizing my industrial music in the only way that truly makes sense: by what manual labor job the members clearly worked before forming a band.

Bought a secondhand sewing machine and spent two days fighting with it because I forgot the first rule of anything mechanical: the previous owner is always an idiot.

Came with the wrong bobbin in the case.

2x4 is a good idea anyway, spreads out the weight.
Put a big ol' hole in the new asphalt at my old work from parking on a hot summer day; when I came out after work the bike was nearly horizontal.

The upside of spring allergies is that I can speak German with a proper accent again. Really get that phlegm going.

That coupe wants to be a shooting brake so badly it hurts. Would.

Raised on kung fu movies, growing up terrified that every structure around me has the rigidity of balsa wood.

Gen Z are not "refusing to grow up" they are attempting to experience retirement early in the full knowledge they won't be allowed the opportunity later.

Eiken is just the Ludovico Technique for anime tiddies.

This has been your Day 400 post of Falling Down The Corporate Ladder.

Today's employment tip is that HR managers do not like being reminded that they might not be smarter than the person they are interviewing.

Therefore, do not use words like "ephemera" in your resume, or anything else they may need to look up.

“Can you explain the gap in your résumé?”

(G. Gordon Liddy voice): No.

I get maybe 3 spam emails a week, usually.
Since the election, averaging 30 a day.

The Intolerable Travails of Johnny SadBrain.

Gotta love a show where you can just show someone the entire finale and it doesn't spoil a damn thing.

Sledge Hammer!

Couple cars collided in front of my house.

Gonna go offer the drivers some constructive criticism, maybe ask them what the could have done differently.

Me: Gonna try making an apple pie, from scratch. Can't be that hard, right?
Carl Sagan: *sighs, then takes the deepest inhale imaginable*

Explaining to my in-laws that I'd rather spend the entire day losing another fight with the gooseberry bush than spend five minutes with them tomorrow.

But diplomatically.

Internet recipes for napalm are laughably complex when you consider that you can get the same effect by spattering yourself with freshly made simple syrup.
In related news: ow. ow. ow.

Resolving all my issues by becoming hotter.

Just taking the "don't sweat the small stuff/it's all small stuff" dad advice to its logical conclusion.

Narcissism Consulting:
Because your superficial problems deserve superficial solutions.

The thing about a nuke is that the consequences (presumably) don't have to be lived with. So have the kids, and if it all ends in a flash, so be it.

This shit? This shit we gotta live through.

Lessons from MST3K/Rifftrax:
-"good" movies are more enjoyable to riff because there's more going on.
-Corman was legit. For a guy with $50 and a bunch of actors he probably had no intention of paying, he produced sincerely watchable movies.

Time for colloidal silver to make a comeback.

I was bullied for years as a child, having the scars and broken bones to prove it.

Five minutes around some home-schooled kids has me thinking maybe bullying serves a valuable purpose.

a suggestion to abandon Harry Potter for the Discworld novels

ahem