Who cares

I'm done here too. Screaming my pain into the public void bc I never learned to journal. Shameful, pathetic, also pointless. Everything is pointless. I'm just gonna crawl back into the hole I was in for years and make sure only I have to deal with me. I get why I'm alone I fucking hate myself too.

Aside from my 3 partners while I still have them, I'm done with people. Full anti-social fuck people. Done with the socials, discords, raves, clubs, metas, polycules, everyone. When I do finally kick the bucket no one will know or care. Its better I'm forgotten rather than a crazy unloveable bitch.

I won't try anything stupid bc I tried offing myself a lot in my early 20s and nothing worked. Weirdly invincible. Left alive while rotting in pain from a broken body and the same mental agony as I always have. None of my disabilities seem to be offing me yet either. Fucking annoying. I hate living.

Belated TWs but whoever's following should just leave rn, I'm venting fucked up shit, not the first time won't be the last

Craving the most unspeakable atrocious dehumanizing abusive treatment right now. Just spit and piss on me cut me beat me make me cry make me feel as worthless and fucked up as i am. Just leave me in an alley somewhere.

10 down this month, ready to go down to hell

Its funny how I think I can starve myself to death when I was literally down to 63 pounds as a teenager and still didn't die. I died overdosing on meds instead. Don't know why the fuck they revived me, I should've stayed dead. Maybe I did.

I asked to talk two weeks ago but I guess you can't read fuck you

I want to redact myself lol
In minecraft

At least I'm functioning enough not to be a problem for people and can be personable in the moment. But I am entrenched in feelings of agony and futility and I am on a thin and frayed tightrope mentally. Kinda only alive bc I haven't died yet but I'm sure not making much effort anymore.

Got that barely able to move or leave the bed depression this week. Got out of bed, turned on twitch only to see the shooting news. Shouldn't have left the bed. Fuck life.

Had my urethra cherry popped for an exam and its got me pissing razorblades

Definitely not my kink 😭

Ryden in the bathroom in a gemstone "sodomy" crop tank and black undies, black sunhat

Getting ready for trans pride & playing some Palia with new drops on Twitch

Twitch.tv/rydenthewind

I will ride until my legs literally give out 🩷

Finishing up this page in my new modern fantasy coloring book today on a low energy stream

Twitch.tv/rydenthewind

Gwen sitting in her chair wearing a black crop top black beret and pink rose tinted glasses. Her hair is green on the bangs, then paint going down the sides of her head and then green once again at the tips she is smiling at you.

Gonna eat some sushi and play some fortnite and maybe try the battlefield beta later or play something else. Who knows.

Come chat!

Twitch.tv/stellargwynn

I fucking hate my brain. Always have always will. Sick of inhabiting it.

Tibby

Struggling to sleep, too much worry

The struggle to get any food in has been so bad lately. Been passing out for entire REM cycles in the middle of the day and still feel like ass, been getting the shakes etc. still barely able to get a meals worth in. Sometimes I care, other times it's whatever. Losing grip on giving any fucks.

Rainbow color-changing Shrek CRT TV with rainbow sparkles popping out

Omggg y'all I didn't make it to affiliate yet but Twitch is letting me put in custom emotes and rewards eeeeeee 🩷
That's basically been my main goal since I started

Let the chaos fucking ensue!!!

twitch.tv/rydenthewind

Front cover of "Modern Magic - a contemporary fantasy coloring book" with an angel and demon playing chess sitting on a cloud and fire respectively

Gonna try to color away my depression with pretty gay fae

Feel free to put me on in the background
Twitch.tv/rydenthewind

Goblin cleanup pt 2, and I've got yet another cute maid fit 🩷
Twitch.tv/rydenthewind

Finally got myself to finish breakfast at 11:30pm. Just one of those days the ARFID is so bad. Food I love is gross and swallowing is so hard. Im so depleted and need calories bad rn too. Fucking sucks

Shelf of thrift store kids toys with a set of lube shooters on the middle shelf

Set of two lube shooters on the shelf of thrift store kids toys

Why TF was this in the kids toy section at the thrift store omg noooo 💀

Oh yeah, I've got surgery this year to somehow pay for... Y'all are definitely gonna be seeing hole soon, I need those funds lol

Definitely been working on starting up a Fansly... Been something I've wanted to do for years and almost did 3 years ago, here's to hoping I finally follow through

My nesting partner has been unemployed the past few weeks and I've become the breadwinner. Which is funny (sad) because my paychecks are not even 1k a month right now 😅😭

Ryden pointing a hand vacuum at the camera while wearing a frilly black, white and dark red maid outfit with a large hair bow

Poking at the new Goblin Cleanup Demo where I play as a cute goblin maid, and I am also a cute maid! Will be doing my last Palia drops stream too, check me out on Twitch ♥️
Twitch.tv/rydenthewind

This OSRS ad speaks to me in ways I cannot quite put into words