Fodder for

I wonder if it's medically significant that everything smells and tastes like blood 🤔

I feel like a failure.
I can calm the kid.
I can get him to relax enough to go back to sleep after a bad dream.
I CANNOT transfer him from a cuddle to his cot.

I haven't been able to do this for so long. I'm relying on husband all the time. I'm such a failure.

Is that you Magrat Garlick?

HELP! I got sick and was completely out of commission for 3 days and now my little boy has aged 20years! How do I reverse this?

I'm at the stage of middle age that I have to check that my nipples are pointing in the same direction before I leave the house

I'm covered in this yellow stuff that's staining my skin from laying in the grass. Husband picked up a tree flower and said it's flower sap. Husband did not like it when I referred to it as "flap".
Sometimes I'm concerned that I married wrong person.

"Trophy for the hero of race!"

Fernando Alonso, my love 😂

No idea where I got this from, but it still slaps

a man applauds in front of a sign that says " so proud of you " ALT: a man applauds in front of a sign that says " so proud of you "

For getting so much done

Years ago I bought a children's book from an art gallery because I loved the story and the artwork.
It's called Don't Worry Little Crab.
It's now my son's favourite book. 😍

Boss was off sick last week and she came in this morning recommending that I should "never get old." I said I'd try my best to die young and she was horrified at that response.
Like, ok, I'll take all my admin and logistic knowledge and whip up a cure for aging on the weekends.

a man in a suit and glasses is sitting in a red chair and making a funny face . ALT: a man in a suit and glasses is sitting in a red chair and making a funny face .

When I find myself in times of trouble, Taskmaster comes to me.

Why does this snoot torment me so? She's too cute to wake up next to!

I got a leech on my back and knocked it off accidentally before it was done so now my back is dripping with blood and neither my child nor my dog will help me.

If I ever start my own business, I am only going to hire women.
My experience today has just put the final nail in the coffin of my opinion of working in any capacity with men.
Fuck them bitches.

two men are playing guitars in front of a pink wall ALT: two men are playing guitars in front of a pink wall

I have a stupid Christian Ska song stuck in my head

If you were a bottle of hydrogen peroxide and I put you somewhere so my 2 year old couldn't get it, where would you be?

For the first time since kiddo was about 5 months old I have actually worried myself to the point of throwing up.
Is it normal to catastrophize him being ill like this? Probably not.
I need to sleep.

a cartoon drawing of a ghost with wings and eyes ALT: a cartoon drawing of a ghost with wings and eyes

Electric vehicles make it sound like car parks are now haunted by robotic ghosts.
They'll just be reversing going "ooooOoooooooOOoooo" 👻

In case anyone was wondering what living with a boy is like.

-Hey, what are these 4 screws on the counter for?
--I can't remember
-Cool, can I throw them away?
--But I might need them
-Ok, can you put them somewhere else?
--I might lose them
-They will live on the counter forever won't they?

Where the fuck are we racing this weekend?

I think my favourite part of parenting is when the kid is throwing a tantrum and then gets out ice cubes which make him happy for a moment. After which he will scream and tell me he wants them "hot". Like that's something I can do.

On his way out of the door to go to daycare, my kid turned around and looked me dead in the eye and said "love you"
This is the first time he's ever said it to me.
I cried all the way to work 😭

The leggings that I'm wearing are so old that the elastic in the waist band has disintegrated throughout the day so I now have whatever the opposite of a wedgie is.

That changes nothing. In fact, I hate it more.

Having a sick kid is one thing, but when your kid has diarrhoea in winter and it seeps through 3 layers of clothing everytime AND you have a broken washing machine.
It's simply an entirely new level of hell.

Thanks. I hate this.

a woman wearing a hat and a scarf is saying give me strength . ALT: a woman wearing a hat and a scarf is saying give me strength .

There must be a long German word for the feeling of wanting to kill a co-worker who has neglected to communicate and the lack of knowledge has made you look like a complete twat.

a man wearing a shirt that says led zeppelin is leaning against a washing machine ALT: a man wearing a shirt that says led zeppelin is leaning against a washing machine

Husband broke the washing machine so I'm now in a laundromat. Reading a book I grabbed on the way out and eating sushi whilst the world drives by.
I quite like this kind of liminal space.
Everyone is busy but no-one wants to engage with anyone else. People come and go, but I'm guarding my laundry.