The Dad Jokes 🩳👟

Donut Pillow Shit For Smothering

Donut Pillow Shit For Smothering

Did you know if someone commits first degree murder in Canada, it’s counted as 34 degree murder in the US?

Did you hear about the chef that died? He pasta way We cannoli do so much His legacy will become a pizza history He ran out of thyme

My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work.

I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.

UFO caught on tape

In ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poisons. Poisons I, II, and III would kill you quickly. Poison IV would just make you itchy.

My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work.

I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.

Did you know trees poop?

Where’d you think #2 pencils came from?

In ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poisons. Poisons I, II, and III would kill you quickly. Poison IV would just make you itchy.

December to Remember was banished by the White Witch Wendy.

When Grimace returns he will usher in a new December to Remember.

Did you hear about that knight who could fight on the land and in the sea?

His name is Sir Fandturf

I went to the zoo and they only had one animal. Just one dog.

It was a Shih Tzu!

This darkness you speak of…It’s from turning the lights off when they leave the room?

I’m in.

I’m thinking about making a fragrance for introverts. It’s going to be called: Leave Me the Fu-Cologne

My friend Miles has dual citizenship.

When he’s in Canada we call him Meters.

(@thechrisarmy.bsky.social on Instagram - www.instagram.com/share/_h4UPf...)

Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" I burst into tears.

11 years old and he still won’t call me Dad 😭

A priest, a pastor and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood. The nurse asked the rabbit: "what's your blood type?" "I'm probably a type O", said the rabbit.

😂😂

I’m not a dad, but here’s a dad joke for ya.

I ate a kid's meal at McDonalds the other day. The mom was not happy!

They're both cauldron

Harry Potter can't tell the difference between his potions pot and his best mate.

Did you hear about the massive sale at the Lego store?

People were lining up for blocks!!