Accedia The Malkavian

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I swear, I will eat the first one of you who makes a Malk joke.

It's not real Thaumaturgy unless it comes from the Tremere Clan, otherwise it's sparkling magics

It's not real Political Rebellion unless it comes from the Brujah Clan, otherwise it's sparkling revolution

Just gonna say, as a Malkavian, that feller running that country is a fucking whackjob that Malkav hisself would be like "Woah... walk away.... quick..."

Someone needs to drain him, slurp slurp like.

Malkavian with extreme paranoia or, well, maybe a serious case of petrophilia?

With St. Malkav's feast day coming up soon, the entire city quakes in fear. Because OH BOY, a gang of Malks descending to play "Got your nose!" with razor blades is NOT their idea of fun. But they're zero craic anyhow.

The problem is not Mortals being into it, the problem is that they wont STFU about it afterwards

When secrecy is at a premium, as in VtM, letting any Mortal become a regular blood doll can be a risk

happens in VtM tho. Shit in VtM, you dont need to be into it. One sip and you GET into it real fast

Vampire Powered Piston engine using blood and holywater.

Me: "I swear Prince, I'm not planning anything! Honest, swear to Malkav!"

Later when alone: "Would True Faith ash someone? Hrm... I guess it could be solar powered? Let's find out!"

I now want a pair so I can say this in my most serious voice possible.

Vibram toe shoes. For when you need to convince people that you're part Muppet. "Why yes, Gonzo is my cousin on my mothers side, hence the foot deformity."

HA! Shows what you usurpers know! It's erasers and mirrors all the way down!

This is how you get Dementation.... wait... wait... WHY AM I TELLING A TREMERE HOW THIS IS DONE? SHIT! *slaps self on head* ERASE ERASE ERASE.

When a Malkavian Elder wants to play a game of chess, and you show up and the board looks like this:

Thank you to everyone who helped bring this video to life and immortalise my live show costumes. Our team is small but we are mighty! I am so grateful for th... Bambie Thug - Tsunami (Official Music Video)

Ireland is sending a Malk to the Eurovision

www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYbC...

Ventrue in the streets, Malkavian in the sheets.

Nickleback. For when you absolutely, positively need to annoy every motherfucker in the Cobweb, accept no substitutes.

Poor lil' gollum. All he wanted was to be left alone, and some prick came and stole his ring and pawned it to his nephew and all he's trying to do it get it back.

He just wants his ring and maybe some fish, raw and wiggling.

A photo of a trash panda smiling. What is he smiling about? WHO KNOWS! It could be a nice brand new dumpster! It could be a left out bowl of cat food! We're a Malk, what the fuck do we know what a raccoon is thinking? They could be thinking anyyyyything!

RACCOONS!

We will die on this hill. R.D. Laing: Malkavian. Who else could come up with genius like this? "They are playing a game. They are playing at not playing a game. If I show them I see they are, I shall break the rules and they will punish me. I must play their game, of not seeing I see the game."

Every Christmas I'm going to expound on how Home Alone was a critique about capitalism. Also the robbers, (who are the proletariate) are pals with John Bender (The Breakfast Club) because they're all based in the same city, Shermer fucking Illinois.

The next fecker who throws a fish at me is going to answer the age old question "Can you noodle kine?" Answer is, yes, but they stop working afterwards.

I'm convinced that the reason we all remember Stouffers Stovetop Stuffing is that sometime during 1990 we swapped realities with a much worse one. One that had no Stouffers Stovetop Stuffing, COVID 19 and Donald Trump.