Shelly

"speaking of skibidi, were you free for the ohio trip?"

New heights of yikes have been achieved my ex blocked me on Spotify

Why does Junkrat sound like if Austin Powers was a heavy cigarette smoker

How does Spotify manage to make their app worse with every single update

Who up feeling rectangular

Shoutout to the guy at the vape shop for giving me a pep talk in support of wanting to quit

Using my lovense as a wake up alarm call that an internal clock

Minecraft parodies are recession music

Sex on the roof is already its own category of iconic

taking a long shot but is anyone familiar with the twitch streamer purplelf and if so does anyone know what happened to her? I used to watch her streams and I just realized I hadn't seen her icon in a while, looking now all of her accounts are deactivated and I think her discord is gone

There’s something nice about not seeing the view counts on here, like if a post does bad I might know it’s a terrible post but I can still tell myself it’s just that nobody saw it

Imagine how different trump’s life would have been if he had decided to go by DJ growing up

Misread this as “parkour”

Omg hi friend ty for sharing these I hope you’ve been well

Who was gonna tell me that IPL shavers are ~300$ I thought they were like $100

amazon.com "related to items you've viewed" panel with 6 ergonomic mice interrupted by suction cup pigs

yup

What about like a bloody mary with baileys and we call it a creamy mary

I was wondering why I was suddenly getting a bunch of new followers on here but honestly I should have known to just assume meta did some dumb shit again

pissing and gooning aren't too different after all, turns out we're just jorking different sides of the same peanits

yeah there was a dude who DMed me one time and I genuinely didn't realize he was hitting on me until he like got rude and was like "you seem busy and uninterested" and I was like "interested in what?? dude I have a life, I'm busy" and blocked him

and when I walk up to the urinal
yeah you know my hands go up
and they stay there

if someone made a bluesky client that literally just looked exactly like threads to the point that I forget that's not where I am then I'd be on here all the time

"we just can't find employees willing to work!"

the working conditions:

people are so unbelievably bold on instagram, I've gotten people in my DMs just bc they found a comment I had left somewhere and liked me from my profile picture. usually creepy and live far away, though there was one very sweet guy from egypt who messaged me like that one time

he really had some stones posting that!

omg I forgot NSFW is allowed on here let's fucking GOOOOO

We are currently discussing the matter internally