Tracie McBride

Things I learned from a 9-year-old today:
1. Oreos have the sign of the devil imprinted on them.
2. An infinitygon is a shape with an infinite number of sides. It looks just like a perfect circle.

*sigh* I know, right? I really do not want to google "firefighter throws dildo".

Just took progress photos of my near-naked self at the insistence of my gym coach. It might be the most demoralizing thing I have ever done in my life.

On the plus side, whenever the kids at school hurl "big back" as an insult, I now know exactly what they mean.

When I am in the kitchen, everyone else has to pretend to be a vampire. You CAN NOT come into the kitchen unless I invite you.

And things have changed...how?

Quote of the day, presented without source or context:

"I want to be strong like bitch who fights bears in forest."

Someone posted in our Facebook community page about a parcel being delivered to the wrong house with a photo of the evidence of delivery.

Meanwhile, I'm obsessed by the shadow cast by the delivery driver taking said photo. Does this look just like a hunchback in a top hat, or is it just me?

Just a little break

New fitness app congratulated me today on lifting the weight of a hypothetical rhino in today's workout. That's a misleading stat, though. Yes, I lifted a rhino, but only if said rhino had been precut into 100 manageable chunks, and I just had to move them from the bench to the floor and back again.

Received a gift voucher for a full body massage, which I redeemed today. "Tell me if you have any tender spots," the masseuse said.

Turns out, I have all of them. All the tender spots.

The Algorithm has found out we're planning an overseas trip this year. Constant ads for "travel clothes" (which are different from regular clothes because...?), neck pillows and compression socks.

I will eventually cave on the socks.

I think I found the winner of the Internet today. Someone posted on the local community page on Facebook with a picture of two goats wandering in the street. "Not sure who to call," she said.

And an anonymous member replied - GoatsBusters.

This goes out to all the Gen X.

This morning's run. Approaching a mum and small boy, about 2 or 3 years old. The boy raises a hand to point at me. The mum explains, "He is impressed by your running. He says you are going so fast."

As an overweight 58-year-old with the running speed of an arthritic tortoise, that made my day.

Chicken curry is better than grilled cheese. I don't make the rules.

Ooh! Ooh! I have these! (Does it count if I grew one of them in my body?)

@aliamcb.bsky.social Crispin Glover. Kafkaesque. Free on SBS on Demand. Let's GOOOOO!

Happy "Hot Cross Buns for sale at Coles" Day!

I feel like if you turn your back on them, they'll start multiplying.

Safe and Trusted Person. This is the highest honour a primary school student in Australia can bestow on a staff member.

(Bonus - it came attached to a box of Cadbury Favourites.)

Checking emergency equipment in the car.

Me: Yes, we have jumper cables. Also, an umbrella...no, two umbrellas, first aid kit, a towel...
Daughter: And a packet of mealworms.
Me:...and a packet of mealworms...

Me: Do you think everyone will still be saying "six, seven" next year?
9-year-old: Nah, I think they'll be saying old memes. Like, "one, two, buckle my shoe."

Here's the cover of Bedfellow by yours truly. The cover is black with a black and white illustration of a bald creature with his face in shadow and tiny white eyes. He's playing with little figures beside a two story doll house.

Right now my horror novel BEDFELLOW is on sale for $1.99 on Kindle and Bookshop. I have no idea how long the sale will last.

A signal boost would be a colossal help.

www.amazon.com/Bedfellow-Je...

bookshop.org/p/books/bedf...

If I see one more ad for a low calorie/low sugar food product that says "guilt free", I swear to Jeebus I will set fire to a health food aisle.

EATING SWEET TREATS IS NOT AN IMMORAL ACT.

The ebook of Beyond the Humming Downs is free on Amazon right now.

A forbidden soulbond catalyses a fight for survival and the freedom to wield earth magic.

Forbidden love. On the run. Immersive world. Social reform undercurrents.

Get it here: books2read.com/hummingdowns

#indiefantasy 📚🪐💙🩷🧙‍♂️⚔️

Costco is selling a 5 pack of Fart Ninjas for $29.99, and... no, actually, I have decided I don't want to know.

I accidentally matched my shoe charms to my tights today. I'm counting it as a win anyway.

Today's good news story.

What is a Nuzzi?

(Wrong answers only. I could google, but...eh.)