Cally Beaton

Looked outside this morning and thought there’d been a clerical error with the universe. Heard a little toddler just now ask her mum: ‘What’s that?’. It was a shadow.

Ooohhhhh… I’m all ears

Lot of driving coming up. Podcast/audiobook recommendations, please!

Feminism is not the problem here. In the words of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: ‘We Should All Be Feminists’ - now more than ever.

He has had 3 Valentine propositions this season. No longer in possession of his accoutrements he cannot oblige. I meanwhile have none, just acres of lovely messages from family, followers & friends. Happy Valentine’s Day, to anyone & everyone living life outside traditional coupledom. Love from us 🐾

It’s on my website - 11 Oct!

Last tickets left for Birmingham tonight. Grab ‘em if you fancy it!

www.birmingham-rep.co.uk/whats-on/cal...

Took a tweed dress complete with shoulder cape that I’d bought right after Traitors finished back to shop today. She asked the reason for return. I said: ‘I got it home and realised I’m not Claudia Winkelman. Big mistake’. She wrote on the return paperwork: ‘Not Claudia Winkelman. Big mistake.’

Been a long time since I woke up like this.

When he rests in his walking position, it’s my favourite.

Live | Cally Beaton - Stand Up Comedian

callybeaton.com/live/

🚨 Jeff and I have AN ANNOUNCEMENT 🚨

I’ve had some very happy times in Austin in the past.

You don’t. You deserve a fresh start and a new regime.

If you’d told me there’d be a day I’d pay not to come to the US, I wouldn’t have believed you. From my first job interview for MTV on Times Square in the early 90s I knew it was the place for me. l spent a couple of happy decades largely over there. Both my kids are MTV babies. But that day is now.

For anyone asking what happens to Jeff when he doesn’t travel with me, here he is having a horrible time at his dogsitter’s house.

I’m not friends with any sex offenders. That is all.

Live | Cally Beaton - Stand Up Comedian

callybeaton.com/live/

And…it’s a wrap. Aberdeen > Farsley > Barton-upon-Humber > Newcastle. You were all bleedin’ marv’lus. Next stop Birmingham on Friday 13th. What could possibly go wrong?

👌🏻

When you’re too old to people-please on a crowded train.

Aw, thank you. And enjoy! 🙏🏻

One of the glorious things about touring is the people who crop up along the way. Beloved friend from MTV back in the day who I haven’t seen in 20 years. Tears were shed and laughs were laughed under the dartboard in the pub by the train station, beneath the shadow of the Humber Bridge. Perfection.

Perfect 👌🏻

Unexpected item in the Airbnb bedside cabinet…

🎤 This Friday we’re at Ropery Hall, Barton-upon-Humber, with the brilliant Cally Beaton! @callybeaton.bsky.social

She’ll be performing Namaste Motherf*ckers, and will be signing copies of her book afterwards ✍️📚

Hope to see you there!
roperyhall.co.uk/2025/04/01/c...

Last time I was in Aberdeen I saw the Northern Lights. This time just plenty of rain - and lots of handsome Scottish men in kilts! Thanks for a brilliant 24 hours. See you in April!

GLASGOW 7 April
EDINBURGH 8 April
ABERDEEN 9 April
INVERNESS 10 April

Tickets: callybeaton.com/live/

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 🧡

Stop telling women to smile. Here’s why we don’t want to.

Excellent! My brother’s dog is Kevin.

When the kids think you love the dog more than them…