Conclusive Perceiver

patenting my neighbor’s parking spot and charging him IP fees to use it

You can kill the dog in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare

You can kill the dog in Stalker 2: Heart of Chornobyl

My dreams of becoming a gentleman racecar driver are dashed anew each day

Bottles of olive and truffle oil on a grocery shelf from Terras De Tavara, a brand with a logo that's pretty much 90% the Quake logo

they've got the quad damage olive oil at Central Market

lowkey i feel like santa doesn't care whether i'm good or not anymore

Understood

Wouldn't their ease of use increase with time

they're dripping serums into me intravenous style to create a sorcerer-warrior for Wokeism

Kill shelters transitioning to "torture-only model" in partial victory for animal rights advocates

the statue of david was so real for that penis

Early hominid shaman, reflecting for decades to understand a divine message received in youth - ‘COMPUTER JOB’

Walking down Madison Avenue slowly like a tiger

The baleful warrior of death who kills everybody

the sun doesn't "rise," it rolls across the top of the big bowl we call heaven

clutching my spellcasting focus so hard my fingers bleed because I'm trying so hard to cast an impossible manifest chicken sandwich spell

kung fu panda but instead of a panda motivated by food to learn kung fu it's a guy motivated by cigarettes to keep living

Exactly at the end it was like wow giving him this stuff was really awesome bc he's my friend now 👍 it's not about how immigration is evil

Earwax is like snot for your ears

skinning my cashier and wearing his skin and dancing around the store in his skin and explaining to the customers that i am their beloved cashier

Over pus?

the world’s largest turbocharger

that’s crazy but i don’t care. i care about the world’s largest turbocharger

On the Planet of Spines existence is pain and everybody is bleeding everywhere because of their perforation

On the Planet of Spines Everybody Hurts

The baleful warrior of death who kills everybody must wage war even with a crick in his back

the new blue logo reminds me of twitter because i can recognize simple patterns

My phone does this for me