hannah

every time i call to complain the bus left early they say it didn’t but like…that’s why im calling lol we’re embedded in a catch 22 of no escape here

just thinking about how my friend made is AIM screen name missyrollinon24s as a young 11yo white boy

couldn’t think of the word meteorologist so i googled “gender neutral weatherman”

the frequency that they cancel my bus which only comes every 30 minutes is actually embarrassing. this isn’t a city. cap metro only cares about looking good during festivals and fucks us the rest of the time

i didn’t know my knees needed and ego boost but they did

yesterday my lyft driver said i “floated” down the stairs and to that i say thank you my knees appreciate the compliment

high key our middle school teachers were trauma farming with those essays right

psa: the bus lane isn’t your personal turning lane bc you don’t wanna wait in the actual turning lane. people are in the crosswalk!???? jesus christ love to almost die every day of my fucking life at the whims of morons in multi-ton machines !!!!!!!!! let a bitch live!!!!

sorry but my past self doesn’t exist. 2016 hannah stays there.

…this feels like it was intended for fetish purposes and not for actual babies and yet here we are also sorry to go there i just….ew

were canes banned at your prom or are you from somewhere uncool

i’m so mad rn the bus left 5 min early while was trying to cross the street to get to it, so i called customer service, and they said they can’t put in a report because the bus is allowed to leave early.

cooking my whims tonight - making a cobbler and pigs in a blanket for dinner. so yes and appetizer and dessert for dinner.

this man just ran by me (he was on a run) and he had, and i cannot stress this enough, the most insane upright posture. he was both light as a feather and stiff as a board. gonna be thinking about this for a while.

oooh eee oooh i’m augustus weezer the third

tfw someone declines my insultingly low offer on ebay

i don’t really like ….how expensive herbs are at their grocery store !!

i’m trying to follow more good ppl on here my current algo is super depressing 24/7 which is reality tbh!!! but i wanna read funny stuff

my face passing a guy playing with the two cutest dogs in the park: 🥹

my face passing the ugliest wrapped cybertruck i’ve ever seen: 😠

my face coming to the realization that cyber truck could be owned by dog dad in the park: 😟

do dawn soap commercials ever fuck you up like ‘hello the gas & oil industry is ruining the environment and killing wildlife — buy our soap !!!!’ and you’re at the store like ‘oh yeah the oil spill soap will clean my kitchen best !! baby ducks!!!’

why do people have meltdowns at the airport?? gather round and let me tell you about mixing uppers and downers

one time my ex complained about the “vocal reverb” on a kinks track and told me its bc theyre bad singers

i was just reading my own posts and an issue i experience a lot is silent uber rides. maybe i should take a hint and also shut the fuck up about them

a customer service interaction i play over and over in my mind (it happened literally 5+ years ago):
me: allll right ive got it here in my hands for ya — what’s your name for that hold?
customer: ian
me: 🗣️🗣️ WITH AN I???

🗣️🗣️ even mollusks have weddings though solemn and leaden 🚨🚨🚨

what if airpods were called airbuds instead?

can everyone i follow who tattoos put tattoo in their username and everyone i follow who makes jewelry put jewelry in their username please. so i can find you on instagram. (i am very simple)

the highest of compliments: old man asked me where i got my “gangster nikes”

rewatching skins (uk duh) and i just gotta say: chris ilu you absolute chaos demon. emerged as my new fave as a 35 yo woman revisiting teen tv

no you stated crying on the phone to your boss when you called into work to talk about your cat who is logically probably fine but idk what is happening to me rn