AARON SIMON

I wanna be a basketball wife so bad.

Your math is mathing. 👏🏻

One of my former students and his brother—both U.S. citizens—were wrongfully detained by ICE this weekend. Thankfully, they were let go, but I am fuming now.

How’s my day going? Well, I’m in my kitchen chasing shots of pineapple jam with jalapeño cheddar sourdough toast, so INCREDIBLE…with elegant base notes of shame and loneliness.

‘Will & Grace’ reboot, but with Pedro as Will, Gaga as Grace, Bad Bunny as Jack, and Cardi as Karen.

How difficult it must be to not have everything catered to you in your native language. I wonder if we could all learn something from this… (Probably not, but empathy is always worth a try.)

Benito is a threat b/c he makes art so alluring and enjoyable you want to understand everything about it and then you end up learning about sugar and slavery and colonialism and the Taínos and Hawaii and then you probably have some thoughts of your own, and that's why art is powerful and dangerous

Sundowners, ladies and gentlemen.

I love the collective sound of white, “Christian” nationalists shitting their pants over brown folks and the majority of America having fun.

Operation: Make Terrence O’Connor My Boyfriend.

a woman with red hair is drinking a soda through a straw and says yes . ALT: a woman with red hair is drinking a soda through a straw and says yes .

Students: “Hey, Mr. Simon! Whatcha reading?”
Me: “It’s called ‘Game Changers.’”
Students: “What’s it about?”
Me: “Um…hockey.”
Students: “Is it a fantasy novel? Suspense? Action?”

Yeah, I’m gonna say no. But during business hours.

a hand is giving a thumbs up in the water ALT: a hand is giving a thumbs up in the water

(cont’d) wildly unpopular elective overhaul that takes away cheer and dance as co-curricular activities, choreograph the theater department’s spring musical…all without a plan period*

Admin: “You know what could be really fun? If you came up with a silly staff dance for our next pep assembly!”

Me:

Me: *struggling to learn new IEPs every week, teach a reading/phonics intervention, coach the dance team, prepare them for competitions and their upcoming spring show, design posters, tickets, programs, and a set for said show, run their social media, get try-outs ready for next year’s team amidst a

If you really loved me, you’d book us a flight to Kīlauea to watch that volcano. 🌋

Kissin’ someone else’s lips.

The fashion classes are beginning their fashion illustration unit, so the teacher asked if I would bring some of my old work in. Hadn’t pulled these babies out in nearly a decade…

I don’t care how hot you are—if you’re doing a Bible study on TikTok Live, it’s a chop.

Why is January twenty-seven weeks long?

I tried, y’all. 🤷🏻‍♂️

I forgot how attractive Alan Cumming was in this. 😳

Someone uploaded the entire ‘Spice World’ movie on TikTok, so I know what I’m doing this morning.

I just saw the cast of the new Magic Mike Live: New York revue, and like, what is stopping Hollywood from finding 5-6 guys like this who can sing, and making a Pussycat Dolls boy band? I feel like America could really use that right now.

a bald man in a suit is sitting in front of a bookshelf . ALT: a bald man in a suit is sitting in front of a bookshelf .

Had to “per my last e-mail” a colleague today. Not trying to be a bitch, but reading is what?

A student just asked me if it was the “twenty-oneth.” OPEN THE SCH…oh wait…

I’m not sure which one I’m more embarrassed by, but the algorithm has really got me narrowed down to MarbleRaceTok and HotMermenTok. 🫣

Spoke too soon. Now it’s Maroon 5 night. 😩

It’s Dua Lipa night at Top Thai.

Alright. I’ve tried #AKnightOfTheSevenKingdoms twice, and fell asleep both times. This one may not be for me, fam.