AARON SIMON

But most importantly, Happy 4th Birthday to my favorite picture of myself of all time.

🎂💿

When I turned 29, I had the idea to put together a playlist of all the Billboard number one songs on my birthday, and today, I had to log my fourth Taylor Swift number one. Someone please stop this woman. open.spotify.com/playlist/6LL...

I audibly lol’d. 😂

I have GOT to be more careful replying when people DM me other accounts’ Stories. I accidentally told Armour Theater that I was squirting over a video of Jacob Elordi instead of @cheatsy.bsky.social.

That walking (barely), breathing human skintag was not lying when he said he could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and he wouldn’t lose any followers. He most certainly trafficked children, or at the very least covered up for others, and they’re still wearing Trump 2028 hats.

I hate that we’ve allowed a song written for ‘Twilight’ to become the wedding song of our generation.

This is so me-coded. 🤣

It should be.

What do you mean Oscar Isaac and Jacob Elordi don’t kiss in this new ‘Frankenstein’ movie?

I want to be working on my novel tonight, but I’ll probably be writing my letter and/or speech to the school board instead. I didn’t choose the loud, rowdy, bowdy bitch life; the loud, rowdy, bowdy bitch life chose me.

Still having a really difficult time accepting the results of the 2024 election considering Dems’ turnout and successes tonight. You’re trying to tell me all these voters, these millions of No Kings protestors sat out or voted red just a year ago? The math ain’t mathin’…

Cry harder, Debra Messing.

I don’t say this lightly…they finally got it right.

I want to get paid six figures to use fluffy buzzwords like “synergy,” and “vision,” and “laddering,” and “strategy,” and “engagement,” but not actually do anything.

Boy, if you don’t stop… 🫦

13 years ago, Madonna posted me to her Facebook and Instagram.

I know it’s the tiniest thing, but seeing a middle school kid read for fun makes me so happy. I feel like this is the age kids stop reading for fun, because it becomes such a chore in school.

“Buss It Down, Tatianna” may be my favorite concert sign of all time. 🤣

You know, for being so well-versed in Authoritarianism for Dummies, these smug needledicks forgot to read the chapter on what happens to the rulers when their subjects go hungry…

The only one I haven’t eaten is a cottage, but sometimes I get so hungry I think about it…

A little over 24 hours until the Bi Panic Tour descends upon T-Mobile Center. 🫦

I got placed in @beertheist.bsky.social’s sister’s ELA class for one of my hours, and I am seriously so hyped about it! English/Language Arts was always my favorite subject in school!

Reminiscing on that time when Neon Hitch’s “F**k U Betta” and “Bad Dog” (specifically the Jason Nevins Remix) were on every party playlist I made.

Not to be a yuppie bitch, but there could be a restaurant where they serve sushi off male models, and if I found out it was north of the river…I’m not goin’.

Okay, I’m glad I’m not the only one who lives for days like this. I’ve got soup in the crockpot and am feeling ~COZY~

Sophia!

Top 5 Coaching Moment: One of my dancers I had 2019-2021 (trauma bond!) still comes up to visit and check in on the team, came in today and goes, “Mr. Simon, have you ever been to Hamburger Mary’s? It is seriously so fun!” She has since graduated, so I had no problem replying, “Oh, honey…” 💅🏻🌈

You are forever making me hungry.

Congratulations, we have reinvented cable.

I’m not a big musical girlie either, but I saw Wicked the very first time I went to New York when I was 18, and so it’s always held a special place in my heart. And Mamma Mia. But I attribute that to ABBA more than the story.