Kelly

I have a 1:1 meeting with my boss, let me review my notes:

Don't say anything weird.

WIBTA if I told my boss I'll be out for an hour on Wenesday to get shots with my son?

(Flu shot + boosters)

New Sublime song? 🤨

It's a bop. 😐

It's sung by Bradley Nowell's son. 🥹💃🎉🎆

And that experience pales in comparison to how much of a pain in the ass this vendor is being for me right now.

The next day, my body processed the hot sauce and it was time to come out. This part might be a little TMI but it was just as hot coming out as it was going in!!!!

I snuck to another break room and started chugging half and half because that's the closest thing I could find to milk! I was in pain all day...

When I got to the hallway my eyes were welling up and my entire mouth was on FIRE!! I ran to the water cooler and was gulping down water and it did NOTHING!

... one guy called me over and said, "Hey, Kelly, try this marinara sauce!" Now, I'm not an idiot i know it's hot sauce. But I was trying to be cool, so I took a spoonful and said "Hmm, that's pretty good!" And walked out...

This one time, I worked in an office with a bunch of guys who would challenge each other to eat the hottest peppers. They would find pepper products, and even grow their own peppers to bring in.

One day I walked into the break room and they were sitting around and had a jar of red sauce...

Child: (spraying airfreshner around my office) Tell me when to stop!

Me: Please stop.

Child: (sprays 27 more times)

They're not concerned about men dressing up as women to sneak into bathrooms.

They're concerned about women dressing up as men to vote.

😄😄😄😄😄

A sheet of 1-4 Sudoku puzzles for kids.

Am I a bad mom?

I introduced my son to Portal. GLaDOS said he can quit to get cake and he's like "I want cake!! I want cake!!"

Bro doesn't even know! 😆😆😆😆😆😆😆

Donald Trump does not want Americans working.

Donald Trump wants to keep Americans poor.

I am contemplating if I can stb myself in the hand with a knife, so I have to go to the hospital and get out of today's stand-up meeting.

My prediction is the federal government is going to roll back regulation that requires all full time employees be offered health insurance.

"Nobody wants to pick fruit in a field"

I do. I would. I have literally PAID people to pick fruit. Just for fun. If I could make a livable wage and also have time to have a meaningful relationship with my child, I would apply to pick fruit. 🤷‍♀️

Im looking for a niche that will keep me employed for a while more!

Welp. I'm in a COBOL class.

Years later, I had my son. When my son literally came out of me, and the doctor handed him to me, it looked at his face and he had THE SAME SCAR!

I looked at his little face and the first thing I thought was: That's bitch lied to me!!!

Today is my son's 5th birthday.

When I was a kid, I was raised by my dad and step mom. I have a little scar on my forehead and my step mom told me that I ran into a table when I was a baby and my mom couldn't afford to take me to the hospital. I didn't question this.

"where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

When I was about 10, my grandma took me to Teddy Roosevelt's house. The tour guide showed us a telephone, but he said he didn't use it much because not many people had one and "Who are you gonna call?" I thought,"Ghost Busters!" But I was too shy to speak up I still regret this 30 years later.

I think Democrats in the US should just start calling it "The Democratic Shutdown to Perserve affordable Healthcare."

It's kind of fucked up the narrative for success in the 90s/00s was go to college, buy a house, get married, have kids.

Instead of move to the woods with your weird friends and some goats.

Cause I feel like I'm missing out on a life path I never considered before.

a video game shows a ghost train with sabin shadow and cyan stats Alt: Final Fantasy 6 sabin suplexing the ghost train.

Me running up the platform: HOLD THE TRAIN!!!

Sabin:

Do i still have time to get my shit together?? 🤷‍♀️

Woke up this morning and had to check the news to make sure I wasn't dreaming in the middle of the night! 💙🩵💙🩵💙🩵💙🩵💙