@graemeth.bsky.social
Daily wisdom. https://substack.com/@graemewrites
I’m writing a modern version of The Old Man And The Sea Sea which will be exactly the same except instead of sharks taking Santiago’s marlin on his way back to Havana he is exploded by a US airstrike.
07.01.2026 20:30 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Nothing pisses me off more than world leaders making me buy a new map.
03.01.2026 22:27 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
this how the maga base be actin in a ‘free thinker’ tee
20.12.2025 13:37 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Don’t you dare disrespect me or my raisins ever again.
20.12.2025 02:25 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0and I have to keep paying for this in April or I go to jail?
17.12.2025 15:29 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0At least we have yogurt
14.12.2025 00:25 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Adults who drink tea will always just be kids who ate grass.
11.12.2025 13:33 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0I’d like to apologize to smut club for underdressing. I misunderstood your “members only” sign.
11.12.2025 02:25 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0You got to remember that from Hegseth’s point of view there were two boats. Sort of blurry and weaving in and out of one another.
10.12.2025 02:15 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0A lot of the don’t tread on me snakes seem to be on a masochistic streak
09.12.2025 19:40 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0someone trying to fertilize eggs is either a prospective dad or misinformed gardener.
08.12.2025 01:37 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Albert Einstein married his cousin. That means he discovered relativity AND relative titty.
06.12.2025 13:43 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Men and women are both hot. I just don’t understand why anyone would want to live with a man.
06.12.2025 00:57 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Possessive ghost won’t share my body.
04.12.2025 13:06 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0In retrospect I shouldn’t have popped my bubblegum during that lockdown drill.
03.12.2025 15:51 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0A klutz walks into a bar.
02.12.2025 23:07 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0To those who doubt the patriarchy I ask you why snow women always have big busts but snow men never have a hog on em.
02.12.2025 12:46 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Might fuck around and buy a parasol.
01.12.2025 23:28 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Yeah, I could go pee right now. But I’d rather challenge myself.
01.12.2025 12:19 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0I’m literally spilling my guts out to this guy and he’s just on his phone the whole time?? calling an ambulance??
30.11.2025 23:25 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Misread the flash mob invitation. Killed an epileptic.
30.11.2025 11:14 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Ok but I love him.
30.11.2025 11:01 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Sometimes I feel like God’s Plan might be more of an improv.
29.11.2025 13:30 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Can't believe Trump pardoned the turkey from January 6
29.11.2025 00:53 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Every parade has the right to exist ✊✊✊
18.10.2025 10:51 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
On my Substack today I covered the biggest stories of September as you can see.
open.substack.com/pub/squeezen...
Maybe we can convince them that bullets cause autism.
25.09.2025 01:16 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
open.substack.com/pub/squeezen...
03.09.2025 12:01 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Very excited about my August Recap, releasing on my Substack September 1st.
29.08.2025 12:58 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Read my guide to the news on Chortle. 🫡
22.08.2025 11:36 — 👍 2 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0
