𝕋𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕠𝕣𝕪 𝕠𝕗 ℂ𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕒 ℙ𝕠𝕕𝕔𝕒𝕤𝕥

Aw, I like this version!

You chucklefucks bought your tickets, now you're strapped in for the whole ride. No seat-switches mid-ride, you gormless weasels.

bsky.app/profile/thoc...

Special - Mid-Autumn: Fly Me to the Moon by The History of China

Special - Mid-Autumn: Fly Me to the Moon

In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you.

megaphone.link/ARML3211113641

Later, they both had a space program named after them.

Anyways, that's why there's a lady and a rabbit on the moon.

Disregard all that rubbish about tweens "hexing" the moon. Chang'e and Yutu would never allow such a thing.

There on the lunar surface, Chang'e found a jade (or gold) rabbit, which he named (appropriately enough) Yùtù or Jīntù ... and it became her pet. It's also a Bodhisattva, so it's go that going for it, which is nice.

In honor of her, every Mid-Autumn Festival, mooncakes - Chang'e's favorite pastry (inexplicably) - are made and then offered to her and to others.

So Chang'e stole the pill while Hou wasn't looking and gulped it down herself.

(Warning: Side effects may include the ability to fly to the moon)

In order to stop her husband from pursuing her, she decided to go live on the moon, thereby becoming its patron goddess.

In short order, Hou broke bad & ruled as a cruel tyrant over the people.
Eventually, his wife - the beautiful Chang'e - determined that his reign must not be allowed to endure forever.

It was far too dangerous to allow Hou to consume the Immortality pill...

Well, of course, everyone was very impressed & happy with Hou Yi for his heroism! As a reward, the gods gifted him a Pill of Immortality.

In time, Hou Yi became a powerful leader in his own right. But this wasn't all the great, because it turned out he was kinda a total jerk IRL

Taking careful aim, he shot down the Suns from the sky, one after the next. As they hit the ground, the fallen Suns turned into 3-legged crows (三足乌).

He continued his marksmanship until only one Sun remained in the sky, then called it (literally) a day.

Like Jackie Chan, he didn't want any trouble. So he tried scaring the Suns by firing a few warning shots with his bow. Again, though, the Suns weren't about to back down.

At last, nonviolent solutions exhausted & the world LITERALLY BURNING AROUND HIM, Hou Yi determined what must be done...

Initially, Hou tried to reason with the Suns & convince them to go back to the way things used to be - when they all took their turns rising & setting.

But the suns were having none of that. They didn't want to go back, & they wouldn't listen.

So Hou Yi was left with little choice...

So King Yao called up his homeboy to deal with the problem

Hou Yi was well-known as being a crack-shot, and had personally slain all kinds of cryptids & beasties when they caused trouble.

But he was cautious. These were the Suns after all; there were 10 of them, and only 1 of him.

So everyone knows how way back in the crazy days at the dawn of time, the world had 10 suns that all rose & set 1-at-a-time.
This is old news, everyone knows this. No further questions. MOVING ON.

Well a little while back, all 10 decided to rise at the same time! NOT GOOD! It was TOO HOT!

WHAT’S GOING ON WITH THE MOON?
✨
a thread, because everyone is confused about Mid-Autumn Festival...

Regardless of the bloodstained "fig leaf" presented by the likes of Shadow-Führer Stephen Miller, it is imperative to remain clear about what this clearly is.

Texas sending its state military to other states against their will to occupy cities is an invasion. So let's call it what it is; what it would be called in any other scenario:

A hostile, military, illegal invasion.

RIP in Peace to all the psykers & primarchs who thought they could dabble in the warp and not be utterly corrupted by Chaos for their hubris. But I’m different than them. And better.

Balderdash! The US media holds both side up to exactly equal scrutiny every day.

Why, just today I saw Fox News lambast the Dems non-stop for a 1/2 hr, then switch right over to cover a press conference in which President Trump lambasted the Dems for another 1/2 hr.

ABSOLUTE & TOTAL EQUALITY!

“Kneel, Acha, son of Huy Fong. Do you swear on your life to defend the realm against its enemies and to serve the Crown unto you last?”

“I do.”

“Then I dub thee henceforth a knight of the realm. Rise, Sir Acha. And may thy enemies ever feel the heat of your Scoville.”

This is the car we all want that Big Auto refuses to make

Your terms are acceptable, Tim "My Skatepark Survival Bunker Is Financed In Rubles" Pool.

What is a promise worth from someone with no honor?

The frost fairies were out playing in the garden last night…

Whereas the other side of this cash coin is that 1,300 years is too soon.

Comrade Empress Wu Zetian, your pioneering cadre led the People to a remarkable socialist victory over the bourgeois House of Liu! Three cheers for Comrade Wu!!

2,200 yrs is just about long enough for the CCP to begin being comfortable with narrative nuance

That is was Qin and Ying Zheng that conquered the warring states and established the imperial system has always been a rather complicated topic.

Sure, he was a megalomaniacal, genocidal tyrant... but he did the thing!
Sure, he was probably like 1/2 barbarian... but he did the thing!

Trump has the best attorneys, folks.

NOBODY EXPECTS THE THIRD AMENDMENT!!