Krentz

You know they say you shouldn't stick your dick in crazy. But they're wrong.

I'm giving my address to too many crazy chicks and that's on facts

If I could teleport my dick would never be dry

She asked me what my vibe was and I said "evil"

Guy at the bar is bemoaning the fact his daughter left and had a wild streak and dropped all contact with him and moved to a city and I'm trying so hard not to ask him for her number

Getting lovebombed and believe me I'm taking that shit straight to the bank

It only takes like three inconveniences in a row to make me believe there is a worldwide conspiracy out to get me

I need a girlboss so bad

I was visited by a spirit in my dream last night who told me to stop being a pervert

At the strip club bout to put Man Purposes, God Desposes by Sprain on the juke

I once hooked up with this lady and she had two copies of Tony Hawk Pro Skater Remastered for ps4 and she asked me if I wanted one of them and I was like "No no I couldn't...." what the fuck was wrong with me

You don't get to post cute pics if you're off the market. You're an old hag now

Lady posted two cute pics in a row and you know I smashed the Like button on those shits then the next pic was her and her bf I'm gonna be sick

First dates are awkward because you haven't fucked yet

He proposed and she said yes 😔

Homie I met once at a summer camp 10 years ago has a super hot girlfriend now man anything is possible

My pelvis is too big. If I wear my pants at the proper height on my waist my massive dong shows through

The reason I'm single is because I post too nasty style on bluesky

This is like if I wanted a woman who could solder. Anyone can fucking solder! It takes 5 minutes to learn!

I'm realizing the real meaning of this desire is "I want a man who is 6'5 and jacked and rich and also has good grammar." Pick a lane baby!

At my brother's bachelor party. The drunkest I've ever been. Half alive. The bartender flashed us and it was the worst pair of tits imaginable. That's about all I remember.

It's crazy that I'm not a billionaire because there's so much money I want to give to cool bands and hot girls

They also just took my urine sample in a Dixie cup no lid

It happened again award

I just used tap to pay for the first time and my dick feels like it's 100 miles long. This is not an usual feeling for me but still

Did Bosch paint 3-section paintings or 20. Get your life together.

When people post 20 photos at once on Instagram it freaks me out and overwhelms me. You should only be able to post like 6.

I feel like being on Twitter is like the chunin exams in Naruto where one person is having sex and everyone else is copying their swag

I sometimes walk around the office and say things like "Yeah I used to date a clown" just to see what happens

Woo woo ex who I still follow on insta gets an AI generated text each day at 11:11 that says something to the effect of "It's your world. Time to start living in it" and she acts like it changes her life every time lol