anton lestrange

A raven in a red beanie.

“I look ridiculous.”
“I think you look adorable.”
“I won’t be made a fool, Steve.”
“Just one more picture.”
“Fine, but after this...”
“I know, I know. Nevermore.”

they say that exercise helps depression, but how did accidentally sharting on a treadmill help exactly

I’ve never let an onion ring go to voicemail.

Remember, you have to be rich to be eccentric. If you're poor, you're just weird.

Southwest acting like assigned seats is a plus is nasty work... venture capitalists ruin everything

I'm getting so fed up with stupid

Letting the health care tax credits expire would devastate American families — and we’re making that crystal clear by giving you the data.

We’ve built graphics showing how much costs would rise in every GOP district.

Let’s start with Mike Johnson (R-LA):

There's some bamboozle afoot.

"Better the devil you know than the devil you don't," is the secret to a long marriage.

Never become so old in your soul that your heart forgets how to laugh.

A pot of soba noodles looking like the teeth of a sandworm in dune (2021)

My noodles look like shai halud

shai haloodles

I could swear the woman on TV just said "yawning to you" rather than "morning to you" and to be honest, that's far more accurate

A crossstitch about having a nice day despite knowing facts and information

Midterms are approaching. Things will start getting really ugly. Everyone who didn’t vote last elections better get their asses to the voting booth this time!

Nationalize all Golf Courses

That way, when government shuts down, so does golf. You'll never see another shutdown again.

makes a starter pack just to exclude ppl who didn't include me in theirs

would’ve been cool if prenatal tests back when my wife was pregnant could predict if your kid would be interested in ventriloquism as a career

Bsky changed "your post was published" to "your post was sent." Why the downgrade? I liked being an author!

I don’t really care to hear excuses.. “oh it doesn’t affect me!” “Oh I don’t do that political stuff.”

My cousin in Christ.. that political stuff is the reason you have access to healthcare, technology, education, shelter, and many other things.

You've heard of cocaine bear and cocaine shark, let me introduce you to the most destructive monster yet, COCAINE GOVERNMENT!

why tf is the IL state police helping ICE? wtf are you doing JB?

this is a REALLY FKN BAD LOOK. get your shit together and pull the state police support of the fkn nazi goon squad.

you look like a hypocritical politician w this shit

why tf is the IL state police helping ICE? wtf are you doing JB?

this is a REALLY FKN BAD LOOK. get your shit together and pull the state police support of the fkn nazi goon squad.

you look like a hypocritical politician w this shit

why tf is the IL state police helping ICE? wtf are you doing JB?

this is a REALLY FKN BAD LOOK. get your shit together and pull the state police support of the fkn nazi goon squad.

you look like a hypocritical politician w this shit

why tf is the IL state police helping ICE? wtf are you doing JB?

this is a REALLY FKN BAD LOOK. get your shit together and pull the state police support of the fkn nazi goon squad.

you look like a hypocritical politician w this shit

"We're going to create superintelligence" How about making outlook search work first. How about that

what happened today? I didn't see it

this also works. the 4 syllable people freak me out

What the fuck do you mean I got a longer prison sentence than Diddy

A reptile in a chef’s hat appears to prep food at a kitchen counter.

“Spring rolls are up! Tell Darlene to move her ass.”

I say 'were-stir-sure'