in a hot minotaur

I'll trade you these magic beans for that cow (ur wife)

Her: I love ambition in a man

Me: I have big, wealthy dreams and ideas (dying in an imploded submersible 10,000 feet beneath the ocean's surface)

A Harris's hawk is perched on a saguaro

Saw a dog

I only tell my therapist my side of the story

I will adopt cringer if necessary

1, but it's a small sample size

It's not every day you can find a commemorative bat for the inaugural game at safeco field in a tucson goodwill

I am going to buy this

Watched 20 minutes of the London New Year's Day parade and it was all American high school marching bands and the Surrey mini cooper owners club

It's official: dry January/new year's resolutions start January 2nd

Watching The Muppet Christmas Carol and every time a pig muppet shows up the 3 yo goes "a javelina!? WHAT!?!" I will not be correcting him

"Shut the fuck up" I growl as a strike the wriggling, chained sack with the cudgel again. I open my notebook and cross out "Sugarplum." My mouth curves into a small smile as I guide the sled Northbound towards Santa's workshop and the jolly big man's hefty slave-catching bounty

Just saw a guy take a couple of tries to back his mini cooper into a spot with no other cars anywhere near it and head into the rub and tug

A tale of over-enthusiastic masturbation as old as time

This is a subskeet of every single person who sees this skeet

I would have thought you'd build a bigger house but your tiny home will do wonders for the environment!

What is this? It doesn't look like the fake turf I expected

I hate to post police but it's inappropriate to say "hell" in a grief thread

You should talk to @brew.bsky.social he takes a lot of grief but can always use more

Please film it

If you need someone's permission who lives in the desert, go ahead and buy these prickly boots

Maybe this is just the coke talking, but I'm with you

What idiot called it a motorized living space full of Italians instead of a Winnedago

A page out of There's a Wocket in My Pocket by Dr. Seuss depicts a yellow bofa sitting on a purple sofa, reading a book, and snacking on deez nutz

You, immature and ignorant: /tries to get me to ask "what's bofa?"

Me, grown up and informed: /no question necessary because I know exactly what a bofa is

Car odometer showing the temperature as 116 god damn degrees Fahrenheit

Fuck off

I drank in a squash world championships match at Union Station in Chicago in May so it's possible

I'll trade you these magic beans for that cow (ur wife)

🎵 I see trees of green
Red roses too
Musk fucked a pig
And so did Brew
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world 🎵

Get your own donut you big baby