Damon

On second thought, Trump was right. Pregnant women should not take acetone muffins.

Now that is a handy video! Concise, simple, practical

What if everyone showed up to an ICE party wearing a mask?

OMG, Trump has deployed the National Epstein to police the District of Files, citing out-of-control Trump-is-a-pedophile!

We are living in a golden age of the worst people in the world getting everything they ever wanted, living happily ever after, and shitting down on all of us from the comfort of their Wonkavator.

Guaranteed the primary motivation for this was the TACO memes-- that's probably all the thought that went into it

YouTube video by Movieclips Team America: World Police (6/10) Movie CLIP - I'm So Ronery (2004) HD

Actual footage of Trump taken during his birthday tank-parade: youtu.be/UEaKX9YYHiQ?...

Be safe today, folks! #NoCrownForTheClown

You could really show him up by changing your name to "Fox in a Fedora in a Patton Oswalt Skin Suit"

“What’s our target?”

“Several dishwashers and a prep cook.”

“Damn. We’re gonna need body armor, night vision scopes and stun grenades for this one.”

“…wait…”

“IF IT BLEEDS WE CAN KILL IT.”

Matchmaking service idea: phone app to pair-up clueless civilians like us with doomsday preppers, whom we now realize we were too hasty in dismissing and could now really use their help relocating to a cozy bunker in the wilderness. Title ideas: Prepped 4 Love..? Gilly Suit Crush..? Bunker Boo..?

"Well, to be honest, after years of smoking and drinking, you do look at yourself and think...
In between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that four hundredth glass of cornershop piss at 3am, you do look at yourself and think...
This is fantastic. I'm in heaven." - Bernard Black

“Three days ago I saw a vehicle that’ll haul that fat ass out of the Oval Office. You wanna get outta the Trump era? You talk to me.”

Signed

I love this idea! It could even be a theme-bar where paid cast members call you up and give you bad news about the stock market, your cheating partner, the cops sniffing around your place-- all fueling you up to slam that phone, knock over the beer nuts and drink your sorrows away. Total catharsis!

Maybe Russell's next book should be "Mein Kamphy Wamph"

Some of the most amazing quotes in that show. Sometimes when things are really going off the rails, I can't help thinking, "I'm eating eggs with a comb from a shoe"

Oh lovely! Enjoy! Yeah, I get the crush-- nobody does sexy squalid wine stupor like Dylan

Who the hell needs AI to vandalize the internet? MS paint does just fine!

Love that NASCAR Tourettes, Kate!

Lol Holy shit! The HOA just complained to itself about my HOA post. That is so HOA!

It's a conspiracy to make us feel old. But you know what helps? Shaking your fist at the screen and then writing a sternly worded letter to the HOA about your TV

Cartoon poop seeks to investigate wavy smell lines

thehill.com/homenews/med...

HAROLD by Stephen Wright is so goddamn good I want to buy about a hundred copies and leave them lying around at bus stops and coffee shops like Jack Chick tracts. This kind of writing is worth being annoyingly evangelistic about.

I'm going to sit perfectly still like a chicken who has just decapitated a farmer

I'm sure you have a thousand show recommendations, but if you ever want to watch the gold standard of Irish misanthropic drunken absurdism, this is it. It's on netflix, all it takes is one episode and you will be hooked :)

In a world of Black Mirror episodes, be a Black Books episode :)

I have no idea how I wound up in the gears of their algorithm. No doubt some satellite picked up my Caucasian bald spot and did the math-- guns! Supplements! Orange plaid pants! Target acquired!

He's mastered Louis XIV Blue Steel tho

When were you bitten and who turned you??