Montoya 🦜

How is the richest man in the world walking around with a blobfish on his chest? Bring back bullying. He sucks.

Are CEOs still scared or do we not care anymore?

The new pharmacist starts today. Of course we hid the inflatable body bag in the bathroom.

We’re a bunch of dgens on the spectrum. Welcome to the family 🌈 🌟

Ah yes, planner number 27 will really turn my life around and surely won’t abandon it within 10 days.

I *almost* bought a rubber snake to prank my boss because he is quite fearful of those long bastards.

I literally had it at checkout but at the very last second I decided not to buy it.

Is this me maturing? Cause no me gusta.

Knowing that family is coming over has you doing intense cleaning

Why the hell have I never dusted the top of the bathroom light fixtures???

Someone better notice they’re dust free 😤

Took my dog to one of those self-groom places and his fatass knocked over some Christmas displays on the way in and on the way out. He also screamed a lot.

Don’t get a German shepherd. They’re neurotic.

(But I love him so much)

Yes, please.

On my way to work this morning I saw several ravens enjoying an abandoned Panera meal. I like to think they terrorize a door dash employee and stole the soup they were so zealously consuming.

Nothing like having the neurologist ask if you’ve been drinking because you struggle to walk in a straight line cause your brain be fucked up 🙃

My b doc, my brain is sagging out my skull.

Here me out

What if we invited orange man’s cabinet picks to a boat party on #lakelanier and let nature do its thing? The problem solves itself. @mandodoesstuff.bsky.social

My teammate at the gym said she couldn’t make it in because she was making rice pudding for 100 people.

I’m starting to think I’m not one of those 100 people ☹️

The Hat Man works for Serta Simmons Bedding. It’s my fav conspiracy theory. It involves those creepy clay sheep 🙃