noodle

At some point in college I thought to myself "John Mulaney is lying when he says he doesn't use his literature degree. His speech patterns use lots of poetic devices!" and it turns out the poetic devices were namely cocaine.

Rowlet with his Halloween top hat on is the mayor. To me.

Remember: if it's white smoke coming from Dodgers stadium, a run has been scored. If it's black smoke, we play another inning.

IF YOURE IN LINE TO PITCH FOR THE DODGERS STAY IN LINE

My god, the Dodgers are putting Sandy Koufax in

you used to be able to just call a stranger "old-timer"

I have to revise this because I realized that I did not include Rocky Horror Picture Show so regrettably But I’m A Cheerleader has been relegated to an honorable mention. Feel free to take my wlw card away. I deserve it.

I can divulge that my least favorite is Emilia Perez which falls into the hate crime category as well. Racist transmedicalist unmelodious mess.

I also have four least favorites because being petty is arguably culturally gay but I will not go on record because that would be a hate crime

Apropo of nothing: my four favorite queer films are The Birdcage, To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar, Brokeback Mountain, and But I’m a Cheerleader

I was listening to a Johnny Costa album and then Spotify auto-played Vince Guaraldi, serving goat for goat

I just learned about the new Costco muffins... what else can 2025 take from me?!

When they make probiotic menudo it’s over for you bitches

turnip socks save me, save me turnip socks.

WHEN DOES THE ARC START BENDING, MARTIN?! WHEN?!

I think one of the better, more subtle tributes to Robert Redford's life is the string of utterly iconic female co-stars who've come forward to eulogize him; each of them take-no-shit types like Fonda and Streisand, and every one of them without a single bad thing to say. A model for male behavior

if Jimmy Kimmel's political humor is too hot for you to handle, I'm not sure "snowflake" even cuts it as a term of derision for the level of fragility you've achieved

My first foray into Derrida's concept of differance, although I did not know it, was surely in my freshman year of college when I got into an argument about whether or not cereal was a soup. The very idea of it still makes me angry.

please letterboxd give me a feature where I can filter my watchlist by not in my best friend’s watchlist so when I’m alone I can watch a movie and it doesn’t feel like a betrayal

The Onion News Network truck featuring the headline ICE Opens New Supermax Prison for Most Hardened Toddlers stationed outside the ICE facility.

The Onion News Network truck is currently stationed outside the Broadview ICE Detention facility just outside of Chicago.

(Have been talking about religion for hours)
“I was looking up the rules for liquids”
“Rules for liquids?”
“At the airport, not in the Bible”

“I’ve been concocting this meatloaf in my mind for three days”

when you’re mean to me this is who you’re being mean to

Like bro you sent an odor to my house let’s not be coy about this!!!

Depop is so insane sometimes

I enjoy the cheap concessions at Angel Stadium, but a baseball game without an organist is an angel without its wings.

Don’t talk to me before I’ve had my

So wild that America’s substance of choice is a laxative and diuretic. Culturally addicted to going to the bathroom.

the intensity of my anger at those who would criminalize the homeless — a population literally created by the greed and callousness of the ruling class — is very hard to contain. it was you who dismantled the safety net. if you don’t like the results, put it back

For hours. HOURS. I have had Get Me To The Church On Time from My Fair Lady in my head.
I’m annoying myself.