ned

In Donegal with my great aunt, she’s got a new one-eyed cat named “the cat” and she’s told me to get a whiskey and soda water down me because I’m not driving

So mad that bcs of TikTok there’s graffiti in the school where I work for the band TV Girl, who I was bang into in 2011-2014

Started getting targeted ads during podcasts for pork pies. Like there’s a new pork pie that dropped and they knew I’d wanna hear about it. At the end of the ad it said you could check out porkpie.co.uk for more info. Imagine how good it feels to own that url.

Coming out as anti-Greta Thunberg bcs she keeps hanging out with shit bands

Worked with an incoming student in food tech today and got absolutely flexed on by the year 7s who were helping out. Made one Chloe Rose Crabtree recipe and thought I was hot shit. Foolish. These kids can do insane things with flour.

Reading all the posters at Indian Veg in the Headache voice

Has anyone got Iain Sinclair’s contact info? Cleo’s dad lives round the corner from him now and they’re the same age and he needs some mates and I think Iain would fuck with him heavy

28 Jays Slater

Ffs hahahaha

Yeah it’s a Certified Chiller

Hayden Pedigo album is great if you love beautiful music made by guys with pod racer names

Heavy is the truck that wears the nuts

Sex and the city season 4 is lit bcs they’ve got to make all the blokes Carrie fancies worse than Big to justify her fancying him still. This episode it’s a jazz guy who always wears a trilby.

At the Plimsoll and had 4 pints and cannot stop looking my gf’s amazing nose

They should get me and mick to do this

They should have done a Sex and The City spinoff about Stanford adopting a kid and being a single dad called Son Of A Blatch

Gonna see if I can get the PE teachers drunk enough on Friday after work to convince them to walk to Burgess Park and smash down a fence so we can go Wide Awake for free

Sex and The City season 3 is sublime. Much less wackiness, story lines with endings and of course we have the Steve of it all.

Year 7 kid walked into the classroom just now and went “HAVE YOU HEARD OF CHUCK NORRIS?”

Me and Mick got to explain jelqing to our girlfriends at dinner last night

So funny to go from being the fourth-best-dressed person at the Jake Longstreth private view to being the guy at the Brown Horse gig getting G Checked by 6 Music cucks for the crime of dancing a bit all in one night

Amazing aspect of my brother’s life is that he’s friends with all the old guys at the dub club because they’re really into Qanon and he knows loads about it

Had 9 pints of John Smith at the all-dayer yesterday and tried to pay my energy bill on the dance floor

Absolutely sublime album

Accidentally made excuses for Big’s behaviour towards Carrie when Cleo has a hangover and I’m not hearing the end of it

Charlotte’s fella in this episode is called Ned :-)

Getting so into Girlfriend Telly these day. Sex and The City… great stuff. Charlotte is a legend.

WeWork implies the existence of PooWork

I love visiting my girlfriend’s parents because they live by the seaside and also there’s a Hezbollah magnet on their fridge

Only in two serious group chats these days but somehow both of them are constantly talking about the grateful dead