I don't know why, but the first thing that popped into my head was, "We spotted the ocean..."

I don't know if Toad the Wet Sprocket even had an album cover that looked like this.

“HE’S FINE, HE SENDS HIS LOVE!”

Mother: do... do your students wear uniforms?

(the electric motor of his wheel chair whines gently as he crosses the room and leans in real close)

Charles: Skin. Tight.

What a goocher

Can't bone without a skeleton. Or maybe some kind of exoskeleton...

I have the tv on so I was distracted and I read it as MLK and I was very, very confused about the tone.

Before the enlightenment, all the world leaders were pointing at each other and asking, "Religious strife? Religious strife?" like they were trying to figure out if they should order appetizers for the table. Then years later they all smacked their foreheads and said, "Oh BOY! What a mistake!"

And whenever the subject of that Reinsdorf press conference comes up, I feel obligated to repeat that he said something like, “I mean, Branch Rickey couldn’t turn it around fast,” so we know where Jerry’s head is at vis a vis modern roster construction.

In the grand tradition of talentless chunks criticizing Olympic athletes, I would dearly love it if the Ukrainian biathlete would wipe off the foot long strand of drool hanging from her lip.

“Tony Stark made la prima storia d’amore in cave, using nothing but scraps!”

Gonzo in the muppets Christmas carol voice:

“And her husband, who is *STILL* dead!”

Jesus, Wikipedia.

Operation Bizarro Pizarro

A good liberal arts program would have identified Thiel for what he is and then lured him into a cave and built a labyrinth around him.

jfc

This the same fucking guy?

“The Tigers are looking to make a push in the AL Central with a three game set against the Guardians this weekend, and a reminder: there’s nothing, NOT ONE SINGLE THING, in Helen Ruth’s autopsy that rules out homicide.”

“Gimme the Duluth.”

"You know, most vampires don't dance. No, very nasty. But I talk to the vampires... and suddenly they're dancing. They're having a great time at Mar a Lago. You should see the marble..."

You don’t understand. Building model train sets isn’t a time sink whose repetitiveness appeals to an unacknowledged neurodivergence, and whose solitary nature appeals to my stunted social development and misanthropy. Rather, it’s an exercise in the masculine arts of *PRECISION* and *DISCIPLINE*

Do you want tons of opened mylar packets littering the ground for a block in every direction? Do you want a bright neon weed sign that somehow communicates the same seedy vibes of an adult bookstore?

Libertarians tried to warn you… about how fucking dope they expected this new era of anti-woke to be.

(Extreme Hawk Harrelson voice):

"You know, stone pony, Count Orlok had the best breaking ball I ever saw."

(Stone spends the next 5 minutes explaining how Orlok's long fingers and nails let him get a great grip on the ball.)

"THIS IS LIKE WHEN BRANDON HAD THAT THING ON 90210! THIS IS LIKE MIKE BUSTING THE NUT FLOP IN ROUNDERS! THIS IS LIKE WHEN I LISTENED TO PEARL JAM IN COLLEGE, A COMPLETELY UNIQUE EXPERIENCE FOR A MAN MY AGE! MURPH! SULLY!"

"Have you always wanted to be the captain of your own destiny?"

"I mean, in the broadest sense, sure."

"Build your own home..."

"Oh, no. Not even if it was as easy as legos."

"Create your own apps."

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK A SOCIETY AND AN ECONOMY IS, AND WHERE IS ALL THE MONEY GOING!?"

Shit, I missed a couple of scores. But there were some PATs, so…

Patriots fans talking about how the Bears were stupid to take Caleb over Maye, and I'm wondering if the Patriots wouldn't be better served tonight with Justin Fields.

so far tonight bad bunny has sung more reggaeton songs than the patriots and seahawks combined

This is Dennis Nedry erasure. This is Dennis fucking Nedry erasure.

A picture of Seattle Seahawks kicker Jason Myers right after he made a kick attempt (so he looks all goofy with his leg extended) with an awkwardly added caption saying “Artillery is the king of battle”

Kickers watching this game like