Confidently Paranoid

Especially when the substance of their complaint is your poor communication...

I can feel long dormant Karen instincts awakening inside me.

Protip for all you companies out there. If a customer has been moved to write a 2 page complaint email with timestamped receipts, and cc'd your CEO, whilst you are correct that this requires a quick acknowledgement, take the extra 5 minutes to check your records and address them by the correct title

Took me a while to realise that the word I saw spelled "subtle" and the word I heard spelled "suttle" were the same word. I think it was reading The Subtle Knife that did it

Royal Mail: “We’ve got your parcel would you like to track it?”

Me: “ooh, yes please.”

Royal Mail: “No.”

GOOSEFISH

This picture has been making the rounds again, and is being misidentified again.

This is a GOOSEFISH.

This is NOT a tasselled wobbegong shark.

It’s a great pic. I get why people are very excited about it. But it’s as easy to give it the right name as the wrong one.

fullfact.org/online/tasse...

Yeah, I watched it once and was very glad I did but I also do not need to ever see it again.

I've realised that even though I hated having a February birthday as a kid (all the theme parks are shut!), it's actually really helpful for getting through the dark January days, so my advice would be, if you can, make something you can look forward to happen in the middle of February

He had a revelation on the road to de-mask us

it's so funny that Games Workshop went in twenty years from a company that made games you got beaten up in middle school for enjoying to now being the 67th most valuable company in the United Kingdom

incredible victory for kids who spent ages 11+ with a crust of super glue on their fingertips

Good on Penn Jillette. Having to come to terms with your entire political identity and philosophy being wrong is not easy and most people could never do it.

So love wobbegongs. Everything is good about the wobbegong. Its name. Its flattened Oscar the Grouch face. Its frondy bits. Its lazy life as a hungry rug. And it’s a shark. Outstanding animal 10/10

I've put the tree up, minus any actual decorations, to see what the cats make of it. Janey has thoroughly investigated it, we'll see if it survives the next few days

Well, well, well, looks like someone has finally beaten Hemingway at his own game.

spooKie (@kieransofar) on twitter: me: what's todays criminology class friend: cannibalism me: [gasping] a hannibal lecture

I fucking love memes you can understand through the language barrier, holy shit

The correct response to fascism: fuck you, make me.

I think the final INDIANA JONES missed a real trick by not ending the film with him crossing a quiet suburban street after having successfully navigated another harrowing adventure only to be run down by the surprise return of the boulder.

In case you're wondering, I'm "discovering new to me artists from the Strictly results show" years old

(to the tune of eleanor rigby) eleanor rigby

I think it’s so nice that David Bowie and Bing Crosby, two brilliant singers with nothing in common, could somehow put that all aside and come together to sing two completely different songs that have nothing to do with each other.

2018, Russia: "Fuck this, I'm not watching a World Cup in a fascist country. I'll just wait four years."

2022, Qatar: "Fuck this, I'm not watching a World Cup in a fascist country. I guess I'll wait another four years..."

2026: So I guess the joke is on me.

Someone Secret Santa'd me some Cadbury's. Having a little cry about it now, after a rough few weeks it was a lovely surprise.

Have been completely suckered by marketing, and have bought the entire Grinch themed McDonald's menu for dinner

My cousin's kids will, in time, eat them and think of my cousin, and maybe they'll remember that this was passed down from their great nan.
And so we go on, the people we love become part of us, woven into the fabric of our lives.

Though, to take a positive. The traditions carries on. My cousin will bake this recipe (which, lest you think this is some grand family secret, my nan cut out of a magazine in the 70s), and think of my nan. We will eat them, and think of my nan.

And, like, my nan is still with us. She's still, in some fundamental way, the person I know as my nan. And yet, we've lost something precious. Something has changed and will never be so again.

she's been making them since long before they were a common thing.

So anyway, the thing that just hit me like a punch to the solar plexus, absolutely took me out at the knees nearly crying in the breakrook?

Seeing someone else's name next to that item in the list.

And my cousin, who is hosting boxing day, has started organising by starting a list of who is bringing what food.
The important thing here is one thing my nan did (with various degrees of assistance) was bake one particular sweet street, essentially a millionaires shortbread, but gooey-er, and

Her worsening dementia meant that even with everyone else managing the food and the clear up, that many people in her house was more than she could cope with. Fast-forward to this year, and my nan is currently hospitalised, looking at potentially a terminal cancer diagnosis.