Pope Francis Warns Seals On Jesus’ Tomb Are Weakening VATICAN CITY—As he called on the world’s 1.3 billion Catholics to pray for the bonds restraining the messiah to hold fast, Pope Francis warned Tuesday that the seals on Jesus’ tomb were weakening and Christ could escape at any moment. “Citizens of the world, brace yourselves, for soon the Risen Lord will roam the earth anew, unleashing death and destruction on everything in His path,” said the pontiff, adding that the Vatican had worked for centuries to keep Jesus safely bound and locked away in His crypt, but Church teachings had long foretold He would one day come again to visit His murderous wrath upon the children of God. “The death toll could be in the millions. Once Jesus has broken free, no mortal force can contain Him, and He will not rest until His ravenous blood lust has been sated. As we speak, our most powerful cardinals are in the catacombs blessing the seals with all their might, but we don’t know how long they can hold Him back. The King of Kings has finally been roused from His ancient slumber and is ready to feed.” At press time, Pope Francis was reportedly yelling for everyone to save themselves after Jesus had burst forth from His tomb and devoured a group of Swiss Guards that was futilely stabbing Him with their pikes.

Pope Francis Warns Seals On Jesus’ Tomb Are Weakening
theonion.com/pope-fr...

he might be a finance and wall street guy but he has unmatched aura

"We had two tragic deaths in the House Democratic Caucus; had those deaths not occurred last month, Republicans could not have even passed the bill today," Hakeem Jeffries says.

What he doesn't mention is both deaths were of politicians in their 70s. One had cancer but ran for re-election anyway.

Maybe trusting the economy with a guy who sat in a 10-year-old car and said “wow everything computer” was a bad idea

fell for it again award

Happy National Cocky Want Boing Boing Day!

America is solidly in our, “Scream ourselves to sleep, shit ourselves awake” era.

the chinese century

board showing all stocks in red superimposed with the yellow hammer and sickle of the CCP flag

sickos yes dot jpg

Major single-day S&P 500 Drops april 2000 dot com crash -5.8 sept 2001 sept 11 attack -4.9 oct 2008 global financial crisis -9 august 2011 us credit downgrade -6.7 march 2020 covid -12 april 3 2025 liberation day -4.8

Donald Trump did a 9/11

so... sorry, just one quick follow-up...

The Wii Shop music playing while an entire chat spams “DROP THE PRICE” is killing me.

russell brand not having already been charged with rape and sexual assault before now is this generations Berenstain Bears

the american belief in how free america is relative to other places is so ingrained and so incorrect

miyamoto can make history happen in weeks if he says bloodborne 2 is $150 for americans due to tariffs

CHAT IS THIS GOOD

$1.5 trillion in value has been erased from the stock market so far today.

wokeness was keeping the economy afloat. wokeness kept planes in the air. wokeness kept us all safe

i like that when the stock market collapses money just vanishes into thin air. wish someone could do that with my student loan debt

Statement from SEGA for immediate release, titled "Miles 'Tails' Prower relocates to Europe, changes name to kilometres prower".

Official Statement: Miles 'Tails' Prower

YouTube video by MLYP Goonernomicon: Grummz | Part 1

during grummz time at blizzard, red 5, and his time when he was supposed to be working on em8er and to 3 days ago, he’s living a second life

here are all the details with the archival evidence + more

timeline video:

I'm Kat Abughazaleh and I'm running for Congress.

Roses are red
Violets are blue

interesting

‘NO OTHER LAND’ has won Best Documentary at the #Oscars 

See the full winners list: bit.ly/OscarWins25

‘NO OTHER LAND’ doesn’t have a U.S. distributor yet.

It just won the #Oscar for Best Documentary

See the full winners list: bit.ly/OscarWins25

this just played on tv with no audio and almost killed me