Tom McWhirter @tmcwhirter - Bluesky Profile

“Tasted a little tear gas— tasted like fascism”

08.06.2025 04:40 — 👍 54600 🔁 15800 💬 699 📌 1037

Scene is WAITROSE CUSTOMER SERVICES DESK. Behind it is a staff member, whose name we will soon learn is BECKY. She is dealing with a customer, for now out of shot, while talking to her manager on the phone. BECKY [on phone]: Yeah, hiya... 2 BECKY: Yes I have a customer here who wants to complain about the Easter eggs. 3 BECKY [putting hand over receiver while addressing the customer stood at the desk in front of her]: Sorry what was your name again? 4 [Pull back to show the customer is a very tall, green-skinned, PAGAN GODDESS, festooned with flowers. Stood next to her is her son, a normal human teenager in a hoodie, who looks mortified by his mum.] PAGAN GODDESS: Eostre the Pagan Goddess of Fertility 5 BECKY Sorry - Your name is Easter…? PAGAN GODDESS: Eostre. 6 VICKY: Your name is Easter and you want to complain about the Easter eggs. 7 PAGAN GODDESS: Sorry love, what’s your name? BECKY: Becky PAGAN GODDESS: Well, Vicky - 8 PAGAN GODDESS: If it was you who’d shagged the solar god of the Equinox to give birth to an actual living god - my son Darren here - TEENAGE BOY: Muuum… 9 PAGAN GODDESS: ….only to have all your efforts totally forgotten by history, you’d have a complaint too! 10 PAGAN GODDESS: Aisle four is full of products, with no hint of the true meaning of the festival! 11 BECKY: You mean… Jesus…? PAGAN GODDESS: I mean shagging, Vicky. 12 PAGAN GODDESS: Is it too much to see just a little bit of pre-Christian sex in Aisle 4? TEENAGE BOY: MUUUUM

Happy Easter

20.04.2025 10:38 — 👍 2448 🔁 887 💬 26 📌 38

It’s begun

05.04.2025 20:33 — 👍 8209 🔁 2055 💬 53 📌 67