Ardea

What do I do and what do I do I'm spiraling again whaaat do I do!!!

I called the crisis line last night AND this morning, learned I shouldn't go inpatient bc Indiana sucks, designated adult is coming later today, WHAT DO I DO. I AM TRYING SO HARD. WHAT DO I DOOOOOOOO

I need to fucking sleep i need to fucking sleep i need to fucking sleep i just have to much to process i can't deal with this

I guess five hours of sleep is better than zero hours of sleep

And if you read that and said "geez, no car and no credit card, she's barely an adult human person," you are correct. Hence why we are seeking help.

I don't have a car or a credit card, but Chidi's breakdown is 1000% how I feel after every interaction with Lyla. Everything I have is yours and it's totally fine

How sleep when mind exploding

Say what you will about Jojo's Bizarre Adventure and how cringe it is, but Bruno Bucciarati is the best character in that series and he deserved SO MUCH BETTER

Just started a message to a cishet friend with "gonna be a lil gay here" and tbh that should be my tagline

Vet's best guess is a brain tumor. Told me I could spend thousands on an MRI, but at age 13, there's nothing they can do, and all an MRI would do is confirm. Lyla is on her way out and there's nothing I can do.

I thought Lyla had a stroke Friday before last. I catastrophize, I understand that, I referred to it as a really bad seizure. Tried to keep an eye out, but second-guessed. Took her to the vet today. Vet immediately noticed one side of her face drooping more than the other. She had a fucking stroke.

It's been less than a year since I last had it, and I haven't exactly been taking care of myself since then. Everything needs to stop piling up on me. I just need a second to breathe.

I'm noticing the blocked chest and unproductive cough more and more, and now the rattle is starting. I'm fighting a broken mental health system to face that I'm a lot more messed up than I thought, my dog is dying, for fuck's fucking sake, I cannot fucking get pneumonia again on top of everything.

I'm trying to stay calm because she feeds off my energy and tries to comfort me. I'm doing whatever I possibly can for her. But please, please put out every shred of good energy you can for Lyla. She's so strong and people are always surprised to learn she's 13, but we all need help sometimes.

TO BE CLEAR, she is still with us and is home with meds, but I wouldn't call her stable just yet. I woke up about an hour and a half ago to what may have been seizure 3, and have been comforting her since. She just now started to fall back asleep.

My dog, who'd just had a scare the day before, going from happily bouncing and playing like she usually does when I come home, to staggering, keeling over in my lap, wetting herself and making the scariest noise I've ever heard her make, is in the banks and will haunt me the rest of my life.

PTSD has defined a lot of my life, and by now I can recognize when an event is being etched into my brain as another trauma.

I'm rediscovering how much of a catharsis loud, screaming music is. Lately I always want to either scream at the top of my lungs, or say nothing at all. It honestly helps both.

Hecate loves you! 😁🔥🔥🔥

HAIL HECATE!

I really don't know what it says about me that Chidi Anagonye's mental breakdown is one of the single most relatable character arcs in the history of fiction for me

Please reach out if you need help. I say this as someone who has reached out recently. If you need help, ask for help. You're more loved than you realize.

I was gonna make a funny haha post about how Tool is one of my favorite bands and that is DEFINITELY not a cry for help and then every autocorrect prompt was...DEFINITELY concerning...

I am rational and insightful and empathetic. A triple whammy very few people encompass. And people look up to me for it. So FUCK YOU, you sad bitter old bats who need something to be mad at. I'm gonna keep making people's lives better. What are YOU gonna do?

Fuck it. I'm smart. I don't care if my mom dies mad about it. I don't care if Other People who need to be better than me die mad about it. I am a very intelligent person, despite not having a proper education. I am The Smart Person in my friend group.

Recently learned that a former coworker (still friend) asked another coworker about me when he started. One of the first things second coworker said about me was "deep voice." Ten years ago, that might've upset me. When he said it the other day, I just said, "contralto, baby!" I LOVE my deep voice.

People care about me and what I have to say. Not just how I can serve them and cater to their whims. I need to learn to respect myself.

That was supposed to be "terms" as the plural, because they're all overly gendered and ridiculous, but it wasn't worth deleting and reposting

Currently getting enraged about ridiculously gendered singing term. Okay, I'll take the term contralto, I already knew that. But if the person whose range is closest to mine (Joey Batey) is a tenor, why don't I count as a tenor??? Who CARES about your genitals, all that matters is how you sound!

I often struggle because electrolyte-rich drinks are often LOADED with sugar. Like...doesn't that defeat the purpose? 🥲 Tbh I should probably just order the powder mixes athletes get. It's fine if it doesn't taste great, the entire process of sucking it down is like five seconds 🤣