Probably Tom

Me when I

Have been working a bunch so I feel like I'm late but seeing people Ghibli-fy racist ass shit makes me see red in a way I never knew possible lmao how dare y'all??? On the fuckin white house website???? Clorox martini immediately

Not me meeting Lloyd fucking Kaufman 😎🤪💀 he was sooo nice dude omg 😭

Honestly seeing this on my people's holiday feels like a hate crime lmao

I've never cared about a halftime show this much I don't think ever and I'm not disappointed

exactly

🤣🤣😭😭😭

I want that asteroid to hit me directly in the butthole in 2027 or whatever

Chappell rly showed up to the Grammys like me as a baby smh and not a royalty check in sight 😩

A gyoza dumpling in a recipe book with actual squid arms poking out one end, and the dumpling is formed in the shape of a squid body.

What's wrong hon, you've hardly touched your peek-a-boo squid gyoza

Eleven Flamboyant Cuttlefish eggs (Ascarosepion pfefferi). They are translucent spheres and the baby cuttlefish can be seen inside.

Several Flamboyant Cuttlefish eggs (Ascarosepion pfefferi). They are translucent spheres where you can easily see the baby cuttlefish inside. They resemble toy capsules. The cuttlefish have their iconic purple, magenta, yellow and white colouring. Six cuttlefish eggs are visible, with two being clearly visible and one half visible.

Three Flamboyant Cuttlefish eggs (Ascarosepion pfefferi). They are translucent spheres and the baby cuttlefish can be seen inside.

Four Flamboyant Cuttlefish eggs (Ascarosepion pfefferi). They are translucent spheres and the baby cuttlefish can be seen inside.

This is an important reminded that flamboyant cuttlefish eggs (Ascarosepion pfefferi) look like little toy capsules.

The fact that in 5 months I will be the same age as Stu Pickles canonically, AND my birthday is national chocolate pudding Day is giving me a genuine existential crisis 😭😭

I hate apps with streaks like I don't even talk to myself every day lmao

Don't tell me that the billionaires running the country don't have my interests at heart. You don't know my interests. What if my interests are to eat shit and die

oh shit its mpreg monday

A pill bottle tipped over with its lid off, letting its contents, live isopods, spill out. Some are fully curled while others crawl around. Text: I've got a pill problem.

Hooked on bugs

The Pope said "brain rot" lmaooo

Played Pokemon basically my whole life and just learned about the sheer amount of people that hate Dragonite??? Like I'm mad about the shiny too but I love my goofy big back dragon wtf 😭 my fault for reading reddit comments fr tho

If you genuinely consider "boneless wings" actual wings I don't fw you fr enjoy your nuggies lmao

Doom scrolling is great right now because The Doom is always fresh. It used to be The Doom would get stale after a day or 2 but now the horrors are unending 😊

I will never understand why people feel the urge to tell me their bodily functions as I bartend for them 💀 "I'm pouring my beer in a cup because I always fart too much when I drink it out of a can" like okay??¿? Lmao and my IBS absolutely explodes every time I eat Takis but I still eat tf outta em💀

Drink my beverages warm cuz I don't fuck with no ICE

When you get home from raging all night with 1% exactly left on your phone lol #imaprofressional 💅🕺🪩

“waahhhh egg prices are too high” just lay the eggs yourself you lazy prick

Imagine having relatives who fought against N*zis only for yall to go ahead and vote for someone backed by them.

Just watch the Lords of Salem for the first time and I'm not sure how that was my first time because it was pretty good. I would put it on par with like 31 above 3 from hell, but below devils rejects and it would take a fucking lot to make me like any movie more than house of 1000 corpses lol

His name is brochet and he apparently ties knots too fast and wrote a book too quickly