Oggi Polenta

Happy birthday to one of my favourite haters, Charles Darwin

Anyway, I've said buonasera to three strangers and will now forget what I'm supposed to say to the doctor, cos I'm wondering if I really need to say buonasera again, on the way out.

I appreciate that this is the correct sequence of greetings, but any greeting at all is just odd.

An odd thing they do here is everyone says hello to everyone when they enter the waiting room, and goodbye when they leave. In italian, of course.

I am waiting to be injected in the shoulder by a gigantic Sicilian.

I'm on my way to get my hair cut. A little bit of role playing with AI first, of course, so I ask for what I want in Italian. Just hope I don't end up with a perm. Again.

Heard a lad earlier talking about ‘Belgian whistles’

“A basic website costs 10k or 25k upwards if you want all the Belgian whistles”

BELGIAN WHISTLES

I am role playing being interviewed by the police for my imminent immigration interview. It's not going well. I crumble immediately and just start singing the chorus to some Mina songs.

No-one tells you how hard it is to go from eating seedless grapes to eating grapes with seeds.

Happy 9th birthday to the time my parents brought over wine in a plastic box because Mum was “increasingly wary of glass".

My NatWest MyRewards wrap has dropped. Big year for logging into the app.

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The "don't have an extra kid if you can't afford it" brigade get awfully upset when you suggest they don't stay in their £2m house if they can't afford it, don't they?

Highly recommended. These are both excellent books. I’m struggling to think of a collection of stories that so consistently unnerved me.

Think I've found a new snacking Brussels sprout. Not much larger than a Malteser, sweet and pre-cooked. Christmas really has come early.

Do I have to eat all of these pumpkins?

Remember: if you go Trick or Treating after noon, then you're the fool.

This cheese tastes like Felixstowe.

YouTube video by CummingsYourWay Bridgnorth Revisited

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if you’ve ever watched the apprentice, that’s the world without arts or humanities degrees

Every question you ask at the end of a work meeting should be deducted from your lifespan

Pinterest email subject lines are my affirmations.

Taking photos of the labels out of politeness. Deleting as soon his back is turned.

Just seen a rosé on the shelf behind me. Come on, for crying out loud.

Ah, the first wine is a white wine, I see what the spittoon is for now.

I bought a bottle of wine at the bar, and am now sitting outside drinking it. I want to go back inside, it's quite cold. But I'm worried that they won't recall me and just think I've wandered in off the street, with my own bottle.

Eventually they settled on starting the clippers on the highest grade and gradually working down to the length the man wanted.

Earlier in the barber's, a man in the next chair was asked what he wanted. A haircut, was his serious reply. After a pause, while the barber digested this, he expanded on his answer. The same as last time. This didn't help the barber, who clearly had never seen this man before.

It began as a genuine question, but now I am enjoying asking every shop if it's okay to pay with cash.