Bart Elbey

Dudley Sourchops didn’t take kindly to the new family of #atoms that moved in upstairs. On account of the interminable yapping of their pet quarks, he poured rancid milk into their #saucers. The giddy-goos lapped it up like leptons, then puked like a gaggle of gluttonous gauge bosons.

#vss365

His staunch aversion for the place the flighty types call ‘The Gymnasium’ had inevitably resulted in his ongoing transportation of a suitably #undertoned posterior.

#vss365

There was a hint of hoodwinking, a dollop of deception, a modicum of malice, a scintilla of skullduggery, a soupcon of chicanery, a hint of hoodwinking, a morsel of monkey business, an #undertone of uppity-wuppity… Altogether a frightfully farcical fusillade of flimflam.

#vss365

- What’s an ad, Vert?
- A blatant and callous attempt to persistently diminish your cash at hand balance, Monish.
- Wow! Who would have thought?
- What’s an ad, Monish.
- Uhhhh. Emmm. I don’t remember, Vert. Just go ahead and reprimand me, why don’t you.

#vss365 #advert #admonish

- Morning Beefy.
- Morning Onion.
- Breezy one.
- Teary.
- ‘Sup today?
- “Disney’s Remake of Tarantino’s #Pulp Fiction - Fizz or Flop?”
- Savage.
- Teary.
- Make a start then?

#vss365

Hee-hee!

- Morning Beefy
- Morning Onion
- Wet one.
- Teary.
- What’s up today?
- “The Wellness Challenge in the Pre-#Elasticated Undergarment Era.”
- Meaty one.
- Teary.
- Make a start then?

#vss365

‘pulp of fat and wrinkles’! Outrageous 🙃

Faced with the myriad of exotic instruments to be found lounging in the suburban husband’s virginal #toolbox, I chose to #press ahead and forego the luxury of making good the knob adorning the lavatory door.

#2WordPrompt #vss365

He wasn’t in the least inclined to up and change the light bulb in the lavatory. It was his most sombre #oasis after all. Also, some quotidian stirrings are more sensibly managed with the utmost curtailment of scrutiny.

#vss365

#vss365 #blur #poetry #poem #poetrycommunity #write #writing #writingcommunity #gorhyme

All of a quick the #blur was with flight. His ambition took on expanse and tone, and the breezy fluttering that he felt was fresh and a la carte, as at the arrival of a surprise package.

#vss365 #blur

NO!
No more ‘Something walks into a bar.’
No more ‘Knock, knock this or that.’

NO MORE..

Better be #sonorous, and scream our mighty voices against this shameful appall.

#vss365 #freepalestine #stopthekilling

I know the feeling. The most wonderful place (the wider Japan) on the planet.❤️

A #stock walked into a bar.

‘What’ll it be?” asked the barman.

“But I’m a very quick learner,” replied the #stock.

A #stock answer by any measure.

#vss365 #stock

perfectomundi!

YouTube video by OMDVEVO Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark - Maid Of Orleans

youtu.be/vmwMhjbThKg?...

In the 1980s he joined a synth-pop band. He played keyboards on and off, always quite badly. He was on the verge of being thrown out until one day he managed to deftly sum the current predicaments of the band into a coherent whole. Now they call him the #synthesiser.

#vss365 #synthesis

a blurred image of a man with the words i will be unstoppable written on the bottom ALT: a blurred image of a man with the words i will be unstoppable written on the bottom

👍🏻🙃

The 6 Million Dollar Man walked into a bar.

‘What’ll it be?’ asked the barman, too late, as the 6 Million Man wiped his mouth and left, to the whirling sound of the empty methuselah bottle tottering on the counter.

‘Darn #bionic imbiber!’ lamented the barman.

#vss365

A #tool walked into a bar.

‘What’s making you so cross?’ #verbalized the barman.

It was a Philips screwdriver.

#2WordPrompt #verb #tool

To #pummel or not to pummel: that is the question
Whether ‘tis the bolder of its kind to suffer
The chuckles and itches of outrageous tickles
Or the battered limbs kissed by a sea of knuckles
And by so apposing end them? To cry; oh, to weep.

#vss365

#Grumpy walks into a bar.

‘What can I get you?‘ asks the barman.

‘A hot compress for my achy-achy hips,’ groans Grumpy. ‘And next time a beautiful princess from the forest comes looking, I ain’t here!’

#vss365

something #mystical about you
lying on our rug

one heart for melting,
another for winning

something whimsical descends
o’er our hug

one kiss so #grumpy,
‘Till the other, all grinning.

#vss365

A rainbox walked into a bar.

‘What progress at the Academy?’ asks the barman.

‘Sarge is well pleased,’ gleamed the rainbox. ‘Reckons if I get rid of just a couple more sharp edges, I’ll be right out there striding my stuff after the rain clouds stop plopping.’

#vss365 #rainbow

He wore a #rug, nonchalantly.

She didn’t like how it veered to the side, threatening his dinner plate, perilously.

He tried to make amends, unsuccessfully.

She made a #scene, indifferently.

#2WordPrompt #AdverbsarenotjustforChristmas

I met her at Chess Club. She was a #spider from a web in the attic. She #laughed when I told her my ‘An arachnid walks into a bar’ blague. I fell in love with her twinkly eyes, all 4 pairs. I made it to her kid’s Sports Day, where we tumbled together joyously through the 9-legged race.

#vss365

-Knock,knock.
-Who’s there?
-#Violet.
-Violet who?
-Violet you keep that hairband, we quits?

#vss365

😀

Two #tears walk into a bar.

‘It’ll all end in them,’ muses the barman.

‘No, we’ll not be moved to that lot, luvee,’ avows the barwife.

‘Likely we’ll break into them first, luv’.

‘What are they here for anyway?

‘For The Fears, luv.’

‘Looks like everybody wants to rule the world.’

#vss365