3loko

might fuck around at the applebees and become a statistic

we really shouldn’t have told the monkey paw “we just want to live in precedented times”

crazy part is,
she was the one cornering him,
she just couldn’t let it go.

last night at the bar i saw a guy spend 30 minutes trying to explain the difference between framerate and resolution.

(i asked a white woman what sweetgreen was)

send help

siri if you ever call the wrong person again i’m gonna end it all

repost of a tweet of mine four horny ass images from the family fuckfest folgiers commercial captioned: “wait, it’s not too late!! merry christmas, ya freaks” posted at 11:58pm on xmas last year

we got some gassy judges in this bitch

might fuck around and free up some blueberry budgets
👀 👀
(in minecraft)

i can’t see the field,
but these refs are bullshit

if you can’t talk about gun violence without using the expression “civilized country” i need you to fuck all the way off.

“technically it’s a subgenre of isekai” did *not* come up in my considerations,

blindsided,
but do go on.

it’s pretty! okay!

i don’t care how cursed it is,
i want to put ms. 45 on in the background

here’s the thing about shitting where you eat,
you’re already there, yanno?

there are two kinds of google reviews

now back to my previously scheduled “memorizing my fav song from slam frank”

i need to turn the internet off,
but i refuse the call once more.

tonight i put myself in such a weird, specific, hell.

liars dice is cool cuz it’s poker for idiots

remind me to look at the waveform of Soul Survivor,
this bass is unrivaled

funny men’s crewneck short sleeve back print *indeed*

here i feel like i need to the waters first,
but at work i can just shout out “sam’s spayed” while im wiping down bottles and make everyone mildly uncomfortable

i don’t trust the culture of bsky enough to cold post:
“so is it ‘chasers’ or ‘dicks for chicks’”

this is the #1 reason my poor coworkers end up hearing every depraved thought.

lemme write 15 insane drafts and trickle them out over a month.
not… spin out and spend the whole close riffing on the idea of “feuding P.I.s that only serve femmes-fatales”

“oh, you didn’t know?
when you’re drinking with evil *********, you’re *also* evil”

sometimes i think i don’t have to say all my thoughts aloud and then god asks if i want to discard my draft

look, sometimes a girlie just gotta redact

“no, it was wet, even when i had a yeast infection”
“that’s because you’re a whore ******”