Johnny

"sleeping on a hard floor is really good for you"

it's painful pain and I can't sleep?

"oh just stick with it for a couple of years and it gets really good"

aye, dickhead. bet you watch one piece.

"this is gonna be my year!"
me:

hoping a Joe Roganski character is in GTA VI and they go for that turncoats throat

he should set a more reasonable goal of "in a year or two a cybertruck will be able to overtake a 2004 skoda fabia"

two historical figures I know in my heart were 10/10 hotties:

1. Helen of Troy
2. Freud's mum

Nice! Great taste 👍

what are you playing on Xbox?

bracing for Spotify's inevitable annual snitching on my depression

in my 10+ years of using #adobe software I just saved my work 30 seconds before a crash

#editors

This is the poster from yesterday's China vs Japan match that China used.

10/10. No notes.

new (shitty) strat "clever" creators do on Tiktok:

1) buy medium sized account
2) rebrand to "fan account" or generic "streamerclipz"
3) upload clips from your main over & over again
4) repeat

"haha guess I just have lots of fan accounts" - you're not slick, not everyone's as stupid as your fans.

"Awh cool Kala's here."

See this dumb picture AGAIN.

Reminded there are positives and negatives to everything.

Every time I see clips of Son Heung-Min I have to fight not to develop warm feelings towards @spursofficial.bsky.social

It's a 1:1 of when militaries use beautiful women in recruitment ads targeted at me.

🦆💦💦💦

'Hell, why not?' vs 'Hell: why not?'

Rules for every "UK Tour" announcement:

12 nights in South England.
2 in North England
1 for either Glasgow or Swansea.
Never leave Britain.

stop clickbaiting me with frozen bacteria.

until I can fuck or fight an alien, it's not an alien.

⚠️ Fix your Spotify Shuffle ⚠️

This is the setting that makes Spotify's shuffle so ass (it's on by default) #music #spotify #whatmorondecidedthis

me trying to convince the bouncer my friend's fine

"And we shall hold the election on the same month that we'll insist on meeting our relatives!"

"Before? So we can talk with our families?"

"Oh no no no, we'll do it riiiight after it's to late to do anything about it"