TimothyMiller Author

Now he's pleading with the Nobel Committee for the Miss Congeniality Award.

You mean we could have defeated Skynet by withholding pizza?

I have come to suspect that everyone online trying to excuse and push writers into using AI is actually an AI bot loosed on the world by Big Tech desperate to recruit users of its lousy product. This may be paranoia...but I think there's some truth to it.

What a travesty! What a miscarriage of justice.The Nobel Peace Prize is worthless! It should have gone to a great American who has touched hearts worldwide. It should have gone to Bad Bunny!

Show of hands: how many people thought this guy was scheduled to do the halfime show? Not just me, c'mon.

Three thousand Mexican runners are set to arrive in Chicago this weekend for the Marathon, even as the National Guard is set to deploy. This should be fun.

That's a feature, not a bug.

When a Cabinet secretary vows they will not reveal to the congressional oversight committee the contents of a conversation with the president, I just assume that they weren't listening to whatever Donnie spewed and are embarrassed to admit it.

We need investigative journalism, not access journalism.

They can pack CBS up and take it home as far as I'm concerned. I've got plenty of books to read.

In a surprise move, Trump has named actress Tilly Norwood to head the administration's new Task Force on Artificial Intelligence Oversight. "I know she's young, but she's born for the job," said Trump. "Plus she's right out of central casting."

In Chicago this weekend.

Trump's thugs beat the hell out of this young guy who was just standing there.

He is now in the hospital.

The thug who beat him was doxxed by the female activist who Border Patrol shot on Saturday.

He went from the scene of the shooting to this.

@democrats.senate.gov

"Portland has been on fire for years."--Donald Trump

They said hikers, but whether they know the difference between the two, I don't know. They said they are trapped at 16,000 ft.

Terrorist=anyone who looks sideways at Trump.
Insurrection=the act of rolling your eyes at anything Trump says.

HUNDREDS of hikers are stranded on Mt. Everest due to a snowstorm. HUNDREDS. Sure, I'd climb Mt. Everest myself if it weren't so crowded all the time. I knew this would happen when they opened a Starbuck's on the summit.

Now he claims that he used the magic power of tariffs to stop seven wars. I'm surprised the Batphone never went off during his press conference.

For several years I carried around a chocolate bar and when I was in a room fall of people staring at their cell phones (which happens often) I would whip out my chocolate bar and stare at that. Since no one looked too closely (or at all) it could pass for a cell phone.
I miss those days.

Unfortunately, he was not invited to her secret island getaway.

Let's hope they're hungry.

I feel bad for the Louisiana National Guard. They could have visited some place exciting like Chicago or Memphis. Instead they'll be banished to Shreveport.

I hope you'll indulge me:
CUBS WIN!
CUBS WIN!
CUBS WIN!

A pep rally without cheerleaders and pompoms? That’s an excuse for a military coup right there.

I'm assuming that the secret of the miraculous medbed must be:
1) An actual bed instead of a slick narrow slab.
2) Staff actually let you sleep through the night instead of waking you up every half hour to poke you and peer in your orifices.

With all the church shootings, the safest people in America are atheists.

f you’re puzzled by what anyone says, online or off, where they're coming from, it’s rooted in their need for connection, or their fear of losing it, or their hurt at having done so.

You've seen this challenge a few times:

"List 3 things you can talk about for 3 hours with no prep."

I've got a different question: list three things--hell, list ONE thing--you want to hear someone go on for three hours about, especially with no prep.

In case you're wondering what those 7 wars are that Trump brought to an end, here's the list:
Gondor vs. Mordor
The Hatfields vs. the McCoys
Grand Fenwick vs. the U. S.
Coke vs. Pepsi
Felix Ungar vs. Oscar Madison
House Atreides vs. House Harkonnen
Trump vs.The Escalator

A Nobel just isn't enough.

I was NOT raptured. I was invited, of course, to the after-hours party, but I elected to stay behind and help with the clean-up. Boy, what a mess those raptureds left! It'll take some time, but I'm sure we all want to leave the world in the condition we found it in. There's our deposit to think of.

Correction: when he said "Don't take acetaminophen" yesterday, he meant "acetelyne." Pregnant women should not take acetelyne. Sorry if there was any confusion.