Lycoris - Thorn Office Operator

...The fifteenth... of June.

Does that change what I hallucinate, though? Does it change how her ghost haunts my every action, judging me for every step I take?

...You misunderstood. I feel that same guilt for all of them. She's just... the one that haunts me the most. The one who's voice I think I hear in the middle of the night... paralyzing me.

She was just- the worst of them.

It was just about my family. My mother, specifically. I hate how they're the only kill that haunts me, the only semblance of guilt I feel. It's frustrating. I just wish to forget them.

...

...

Just a nightmare.

...Every nightmare just discloses

It's your blood that's...

*She just stands there, watching from a small distance.*

Lighten up, old man, I'm sure they'll be more than happy to see you once all this is over.

...Good. I didn't think you'd let them be in danger, especially if you were worried about me.

ARE THEY NOT WITH ALUCARD-?? WHY WEREN'T THEY THE TOP PRIORITY-???

Fuck if I know, it was like a flash flood. Yknow, if it was normal for a flood to specifically try to target me, and avoid the rest of my damn office... If the place is wrecked when I get back, I swear to-

Yeah, well, not all of us are so lucky, so get to it-

//i read that as flood i think its over for me

As in like food but I also ate yeah

...I'll, uh, try to get there.

...

And give me a warning if you're sending the cat to grab me-?

//I JUST WENT THROUGH THE WRINGER FUCK YOU

...I've never been more glad I spent hours waterboarding myself than at this moment.

// Reposting this so its, yknow, on my account. Its a little important.

Tch--

I don't remember asking for help.

Jeez- we're fine. The... the water only really seems to be going after me, but I can definitely hold it off... shit's damn relentless, though...

DON QUIXOTE HELP THERES WATER GOING AFTER ME HELP

WHATTAGAN FUCKOOREH IS GOING ON

...Yknow... tch- when... when Alucard died, I-

...

I regretted not letting him consider me family.

Eugh. Wings that's hard for me to say... I feel gross doing so.

...Pft. No. I still hate that term. Feel like it undermines everything else. But I also can't really deny it anymore, can I?

Then... we'll just chalk all of that up to being a... sibling fight. Hahah...

Your parents sound similar to mine. I don't believe they ever loved me outside of an obligation to do so as parents.

...But there isn't that obligation here, is there? I was just trying to kill you. I told you how much I wish I could hate you. All that proves to me is... this is genuine, isn't it?

In a fit of rage, I took my freedom from them. But I'm still not free, am I?

...Will I really ever be, like this?

I don't think I feel guilt... but their memory still plagues me.

So, I brought up the only job that ever interested me. Being a fixer. They shut me down immediately. "All fixers die eventually." In my eyes, without that risk, the job wouldn't be fulfilling. Anyways...

I wanted freedom. To be free of the shackss of their expectations- of their "love".

Come my 18th birthday. Quite literally the day of. "You're an adult now, so start to fucking act like it." "You need to get a job and do something productive for once." Like hell I want to be one of those wage slaves, working their lives for someone else-! But not like they'd get that.