Alan

You are not "ungrateful" or being "unfair" for sitting down & realistically weighing the costs & benefits of continuing to have a relationship w/ someone. Some people, well intentioned or not, are poison to our safety & stability-- & we need to be honest w/ ourselves about that.

If it weren’t for the memes…

Dear truck with the square root of 16 x square root of 16 decal, thank you for the little bit of joy on my drive this morning.

#math

Things I'm processing in therapy:

It's completely valid to be angry at the passivity of those who witness abuse and do nothing. Not speaking up only normalizes the abuse.

#mentalhealth #therapy #trauma #cptsd #anxiety #healingoutloud #coping

- Lack of Comfort: A child seeks comfort after a distressing event, but the caregiver offers no emotional support or reassurance.

- Overemphasis on Achievement: Love and attention are conditional on academic or extracurricular
success.

- Ignoring Individuality: A caregiver focuses on other siblings' needs or uses comparisons, leaving the child feeling invisible.

🧵 5/

- Lack of Praise: A child achieves something significant, but the caregiver offers no recognition or support

- Avoiding Emotional Discussions: The child wants to talk about their fears or struggles, but the caregiver changes the subject or avoids the conversation.

🧵 4/

This is because the child internalizes the neglect as a personal flaw.

Examples include:

- Dismissing or Minimizing Emotions: A child expresses sadness, but the caregiver responds with "You're fine; stop crying."

🧵 3/

Unlike physical or emotional abuse, which involves harmful actions, CEN is marked by a lack of action. While abuse leaves visible scars, CEN often results in invisible wounds like low self-worth, emotional numbness, and struggles with relationships.

🧵 2/

Things I'm processing in therapy:

Childhood emotional neglect (CEN) is the failure of caregivers to meet a child's emotional needs, often through inattention, lack of validation, or emotional unavailability.

#therapy #mentalhealth #cptsd #trauma #parenting #healingoutloud #anxiety #coping

🧵1/

(2/2) According to Gabor Maté, it's very similar, if not part of our immune system. It acts to protect us, but when repressed, it can turn inward and do a lot of harm internally.

#emotions #healingoutloud #mentalhealth #anxiety #coping

(1/2) Things I'm processing in therapy:

How to reconnect with my anger. Anger isn't necessarily bad. When you have a healthy relationship with anger, it is often a sign a boundary is being crossed and a motivator to help you into action to protect your boundaries.

#therapy #trauma #cptsd #anger

Hierarchical thinking—they inherently believe that the parent can do no wrong. When a majority of content and people push the narrative of “you know your child best”, it can be misconstrued as “no one can tell me what to do with my child even if it’s harmful because they don’t know us as well”

Things I'm processing in therapy:

How trauma colors every interaction, relationship, and your inner voice for the rest of your life.

Therapy has helped lessen its impact over time but it may never, ever truly go away.

#therapy #cptsd #trauma #mentalhealth #anxiety #healingoutloud #depression

(4/4) Children without emotional safety during trauma face heightened risks of PTSD, emotional dysregulation, and toxic shame.

(3/4) They may suppress feelings, leading to anxiety, depression, or detachment. Without support, they struggle to process the trauma, which can hinder trust, relationships, and self-worth. This lack of security amplifies the long-term psychological and emotional impact of the trauma.

(2/4) It fosters trust, emotional connection, and a sense of security, helping children build self-esteem, resilience, and emotional regulation. Without it, children may struggle with anxiety, low self-worth, and difficulty forming healthy relationships.

(1/4) Things I'm processing in therapy:

The impact of emotional safety or lackethereof in childhood.

Emotional safety means a child feels accepted, valued, and free to express their feelings without fear of harm or rejection.

#cptsd #trauma #mentalhealth #therapy #healingoutloud #anxiety

(3/3) And even then, just by being a kid, you're often treated differently as well. And anyone who spends a significant amount of time online knows it can be an unforgiving place sometimes.

Life was lonely.

#healingoutloud #trauma #coping #mentalhealth #isolation #bicultural #asianamerican

(2/3) Isolated. Alone. It really affects your ability to make long-lasting relationships. Where did I find solace? I buried myself in the anonymity of video games and instant messengers. Some of my best friends were people l've never seen or met, sometimes even 40 and 50 years older than me.

#cptsd

(1/3) Things I'm processing in therapy:

The culture you grow up in has a drastic effect on your identity. What happens when others in your native culture make you feel like you don't belong and the host culture makes it very clear that you are also different? Where does that leave you?

#therapy

Things l've earned through therapy:

Being able to ask for help without feeling selfish or ashamed. It’s okay to have needs. It’s okay to not have to take on every task on your own.

#mentalhealth #trauma #anxiety #cptsd #therapy #coping #healingoutloud #healing #growth

Things my therapist has said:

You're not obligated to have a relationship with anyone. Just because you have history with them doesn't mean you have to continue giving them your time.

#therapy #mentalhealth #cptsd #anxiety #relationships #healingoutloud #healing

It’s taken some number of years, several different therapists, a few different treatment modalities, and a lot of mindfulness practice to reveal that that alternate voice is there. It does take effort to find it in the hard moments.

I hope can you find your kind, interval voice!

Something that my therapist and I keep having to remind me of is that there is healing in connection. I’m just happy that someone can benefit from me putting thoughts to digital paper!

(2/2) Good grades-fake. Cooking eggs-they're trash. Just existing-undeserved.

This new internal voice is tiny but it’s been refreshing compared to the loud inner critic I've always had. "You're doing great. It's okay. You can figure it out.”

#healingoutloud #confidence #trauma #growth

(1/2) Things l've earned from therapy:

Developing and believing an internal voice that that gives me positive reinforcement on whatever I'm struggling with at the moment.

I've had imposter syndrome my ENTIRE life, in every aspect of my life.

#therapy #cptsd #anxiety #selfdoubt #impostersyndrome

A big effect of this is a constant feeling of loneliness in rooms full of people.

(2/2) Your experience becomes a comparison game and if you experienced something traumatic, you may not seek support from others because "someone had it worse" or "you should be grateful." You also end up losing trust in yourself.

#mentalhealth #anxiety #toxicpositivity

(1/2) Things I'm processing in therapy:

Gratitude shaming-the use of gratitude to shut down negative emotions. It can sound like
"other people have it worse" or "you should be grateful". While those statements may be true, it does/should not negate your emotions.

#cptsd #therapy #trauma #healing