Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle

That creeping-- or crushing-- feeling of "not being enough" is not actually about whether you're "enough." That's an artifact of old programming CPTSD uses to distract you from your goals, dreams, & skills. See it for what it is. Don't assume it's true just because it's familiar.

Survivors can be among the most nostalgic, romantic humans who exist-- but our sense of nostalgia & romance can be complicated by the pain, loss, or memory holes in our past. But that doesn't mean our nostalgia or romance is silly or superficial-- it's beautiful & meaningful.

You don't ruin good things, by the way. Just in case you have Trauma Brain f*cking w/ you today to the tune of "you ruin everything you touch." It does that-- & it doesn't actually care if you ruin things.

It's just trying to get you to feel like garbage. It does that.

We might have plenty of people asking us "what's wrong"-- but we can list 2,488,220 painful things we'd rather do before putting words to "what's wrong." Assuming we even have words for it, which we often don't.

That's normal. "What's wrong" can be complicated for survivors.

The fact that life has been sh*t so far has zero to do w/ what life will be like going forward. I know that's hard to wrap your head around, but it's true. Do not let your bullies & abusers convince you you have nothing left to give or receive. Your real life hasn't even started.

That voice in your head telling you you need to be "perfect" to "deserve" love or safety isn't especially interested in you being loved or safe-- it's just trying to discourage you. You are as worthy of love & safety on your worst day as you are on your best.

Really.

We are not ourselves when we're triggered-- but that doesn't make us "bad" at those times. Triggered "us" is wounded "us"-- & that scared, activated person needs our compassion, patience & skills more than ever.

Kicking the sh*t out of ourselves comes easily to many trauma survivors due to our upbringing. Self-aggression is not a flex.

The real flex is relating to ourselves w/ compassion & patience, when every scrap of our programming is calling us "weak" & telling us to "get over it."

It's not "fragile" to admit we've been victimized-- it's incredibly brave. The world is full of people not brave enough to acknowledge their vulnerability. Accepting you're a survivor puts you in rare company-- of warriors who deserve more respect than the world ever gives them.

One reason why trauma recovery can feel so weird for survivors is, we've been convinced we don't "deserve" to feel or function better. That "who do you think you are?" voice can be very loud.

Who do you think you are? You're a survivor who deserves recovery-- that's EXACTLY who.

There are absolutely situations we don't have the luxury of "just leaving." That's reality. The name of the game in those situations is leveraging the skills & tools we DO have access to-- even in those sh*tty situations-- to not abandon ourselves.

Remember today an essential, non negotiable part of recovery is getting more things in your life that you like. That you enjoy. That turn you on. That you can turn to for soothing & laughter & comfort. We call these things "reinforcers," & they are irreplaceable recovery tools.

hi guys

Triggers don't exist to punish us, although it can absolutely feel that way sometimes. Triggers point to our wounds & tell us where gentleness & care is needed inside. I know, the experience sucks. We don't have to love it. But we do have to understand what triggers are & aren't.

There's zero need to feel guilt about struggling to make better self care choices in trauma recovery. Remember you're breaking out of years of conditioning you DID NOT CHOOSE. This is going to take a minute & feel awkward, & that's okay. That's normal.

Grace over guilt, all day.

The rest we need to repair our nervous system is analogous to the rest a muscle needs after exertion to grow. It's understandable we'd associate rest w/ danger or "laziness," given our experiences & programming, but we need to reframe it-- along w/ nutrition-- as essential.

As a rule in trauma recovery, if you're calling yourself names like "stupid" or "lazy," you've lost the plot. Push pause, back up, & gently re-engage w/ yourself in a way that doesn't echo your bullies & abusers.

Old patterns die hard, & our job is to catch & scramble them.

Holding ourselves to a higher standard than we're used to in trauma recovery is going to feel weird. Most of us survivors don't have a lot of experience in expecting more from ourselves w/ compassion & patience (not bullsh*t "tough love")-- but that's the task in front of us now.

Remember today that feeling lonely in this trauma recovery work doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. It means you haven't yet hooked up w/ people who have the depth & compassion to appreciate the raw, honest, hard work you're doing.

But you will.

Survivors often walk around feeling like we're keeping all these secrets-- even if we're not quite clear what those "secrets" even are.

You need to know there is nothing that happened to you or that you struggle w/ now that is shameful-- even if you're not ready to tell anyone.

"I don't like who I am when I engage in this relationship" is a 100% valid reason to end, or plan on ending, a relationship with a person, job, therapist, political party, or habit. You do not "owe" loyalty to relationships that harm your goals or are inconsistent w/ your values.

There are trauma survivors reading this who have been told they must "like" the chaos that has often been part of their life, because they keep ending up in "drama"-- which misses the point that many survivors' trauma is due to being trapped in unstable or dysfunctional systems.

Often one of the most supportive things someone can do for a CPTSD survivor is patiently sit w/ them as they take their time finding their words through the haze of dissociation & internal "noise," staying open & gently attentive, not pressuring the conversation forward.

One of the hardest things for many CPTSD survivors to accept is the no-win situations we were put in for so long. We blame ourselves for our "bad" choices, when there were no "good" choices available-- but acknowledging that feels like a "cop out," so we pretend it was our fault.

People misunderstand trauma survivors in recovery as "stuck" in their "identity" as "victims." The truth is that survivors work our recovery specifically because we are so much MORE than victims-- & our abusers & bullies don't get to define our identity or our future.

Affirmation & validation are highly necessary for survivors of gaslighting & emotional abuse in particular-- but they are only a first step, a foundation for rebuilding.

Don't get scared that validating your pain will keep you "stuck" in it.

The fact there is sh*t we can't control out there is not an argument to say "f*ck it." It's an argument for getting real & consistent about what, inside us, we CAN influence-- not "control"-- even if, right now, that category is so tiny as to seem inconsequential. Start there.

The fact that you happen to be alone right now is not "evidence" you are unloveable or even unlikeable. Survivors working our recovery w/ honesty & humility are often out of sync w/ people or a culture that doesn't value honesty or humility.

You may be too real for "them."

Post traumatic suicidality is often driven by our desire to escape a relationship w/ ourselves that has turned toxic. Decreasing post traumatic suicidality often starts w/ detoxifying our relationship w/ ourselves-- making our head & heart safe for our "parts" & inner child.

"Fawn" responders aren't looking for "attaboy's." We're responding from a nervous-system-deep conviction that if we're not entertaining or accommodating, we'll be in danger of punishment or rejection-- & we come by that conviction through experience.