Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle

Triggers don't exist to punish us, although it can absolutely feel that way sometimes. Triggers point to our wounds & tell us where gentleness & care is needed inside. I know, the experience sucks. We don't have to love it. But we do have to understand what triggers are & aren't.

There's zero need to feel guilt about struggling to make better self care choices in trauma recovery. Remember you're breaking out of years of conditioning you DID NOT CHOOSE. This is going to take a minute & feel awkward, & that's okay. That's normal.

Grace over guilt, all day.

The rest we need to repair our nervous system is analogous to the rest a muscle needs after exertion to grow. It's understandable we'd associate rest w/ danger or "laziness," given our experiences & programming, but we need to reframe it-- along w/ nutrition-- as essential.

As a rule in trauma recovery, if you're calling yourself names like "stupid" or "lazy," you've lost the plot. Push pause, back up, & gently re-engage w/ yourself in a way that doesn't echo your bullies & abusers.

Old patterns die hard, & our job is to catch & scramble them.

Holding ourselves to a higher standard than we're used to in trauma recovery is going to feel weird. Most of us survivors don't have a lot of experience in expecting more from ourselves w/ compassion & patience (not bullsh*t "tough love")-- but that's the task in front of us now.

Remember today that feeling lonely in this trauma recovery work doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. It means you haven't yet hooked up w/ people who have the depth & compassion to appreciate the raw, honest, hard work you're doing.

But you will.

Survivors often walk around feeling like we're keeping all these secrets-- even if we're not quite clear what those "secrets" even are.

You need to know there is nothing that happened to you or that you struggle w/ now that is shameful-- even if you're not ready to tell anyone.

"I don't like who I am when I engage in this relationship" is a 100% valid reason to end, or plan on ending, a relationship with a person, job, therapist, political party, or habit. You do not "owe" loyalty to relationships that harm your goals or are inconsistent w/ your values.

There are trauma survivors reading this who have been told they must "like" the chaos that has often been part of their life, because they keep ending up in "drama"-- which misses the point that many survivors' trauma is due to being trapped in unstable or dysfunctional systems.

Often one of the most supportive things someone can do for a CPTSD survivor is patiently sit w/ them as they take their time finding their words through the haze of dissociation & internal "noise," staying open & gently attentive, not pressuring the conversation forward.

One of the hardest things for many CPTSD survivors to accept is the no-win situations we were put in for so long. We blame ourselves for our "bad" choices, when there were no "good" choices available-- but acknowledging that feels like a "cop out," so we pretend it was our fault.

People misunderstand trauma survivors in recovery as "stuck" in their "identity" as "victims." The truth is that survivors work our recovery specifically because we are so much MORE than victims-- & our abusers & bullies don't get to define our identity or our future.

Affirmation & validation are highly necessary for survivors of gaslighting & emotional abuse in particular-- but they are only a first step, a foundation for rebuilding.

Don't get scared that validating your pain will keep you "stuck" in it.

The fact there is sh*t we can't control out there is not an argument to say "f*ck it." It's an argument for getting real & consistent about what, inside us, we CAN influence-- not "control"-- even if, right now, that category is so tiny as to seem inconsequential. Start there.

The fact that you happen to be alone right now is not "evidence" you are unloveable or even unlikeable. Survivors working our recovery w/ honesty & humility are often out of sync w/ people or a culture that doesn't value honesty or humility.

You may be too real for "them."

Post traumatic suicidality is often driven by our desire to escape a relationship w/ ourselves that has turned toxic. Decreasing post traumatic suicidality often starts w/ detoxifying our relationship w/ ourselves-- making our head & heart safe for our "parts" & inner child.

"Fawn" responders aren't looking for "attaboy's." We're responding from a nervous-system-deep conviction that if we're not entertaining or accommodating, we'll be in danger of punishment or rejection-- & we come by that conviction through experience.

The voice in your head telling you your job today is to be "perfect" & you're sh*t if you can't isn't the voice of realistic, sustainable recovery. That's Trauma Brain f*cking w/ you, trying to derail you.

Clock it; blink blink blink; & gently turn back to your recovery tools.

Your job today is not to be perfect or to use every trauma recovery tool you've ever learned immediately & flawlessly; your job is to meet every minute of today w/ as much realism & self compassion & skill as you can in that minute.

Easy does it. Just do the next right thing.

You were a kid. It was your job to be an imperfect work in progress. They were the adult. It was their job not to take your imperfection personally. The fact that they weren't up to that job isn't your fault-- you COULDN'T have done your parents' job for them if you'd wanted to.

Every time we try to realistically tell ourselves "it's not our fault," Trauma Brain will be right there, sneering in our ear, "...or IS it??"

(No. Your abuse was not your fault. Full stop.)

Hey, trauma survivor reading this who was conditioned to believe you had to tolerate, ignore, or cover up the abusive behavior of a family member: that wasn't your fault. You deserved better from the people who should have protected you.

Kids believe what we're told. And kids damn sure believe how we were made to feel over & over. How we feel & what we believe about ourselves now does not reflect reality-- it recycles what we were told & how we were made to feel for years.

It's BS-- Belief Systems. That's it.

The moment you're triggered & melting the f*ck down is not the moment to try to lecture or reason yourself off the ledge. Our nervous system doesn't-- can't-- respond to that sh*t in those moments. Lean in to grounding & self-validation instead.

That is: breathe; blink; focus.

Self-punishment as a change strategy reinforces the idea we "deserve" to suffer for our mistakes-- thing is, trauma survivors are already suffering almost every day. If suffering changed behavior in positive ways, we'd be perfect & awesome by now.

Do you feel perfect & awesome?

Acknowledging our own feelings w/ realism & respect is way harder than it sounds when we've been conditioned by trauma to ignore & invalidate our emotional life. Give yourself credit & grace-- none of this "recovery" thing is easy, obvious, or fun.

Worth it, but not fun.

Whoever conditioned you to be unquestionably obedient-- in childhood or adulthood-- put you at risk.

Don't get into an argument w/ your old trauma conditioning. Notice when it's active; register it as an old tape; & gently & compassionately direct your focus back to self-talk that supports your recovery. Again, & again, & again.

We're not here to fight. We're here to rewire.

Don't get into an argument w/ your old trauma conditioning. Notice when it's active; register it as an old tape; & gently & compassionately direct your focus back to self-talk that supports your recovery. Again, & again, & again.

We're not here to fight. We're here to rewire.

Yes, part of trauma recovery is assuring your nervous system you're no longer in a dangerous situation from the past-- but an equally important part is affirming to your system you're committed to handling dangers that exist right now w/ realism & skill. Don't skip that part.