Buzzed LightQueer

I told the moon about you

He said you’re a little bitch

#doweusehashtagsonbluesky #fyporwhatever

Okay but how do I know if I lack self awareness?

So am I supposed to love my fucking neighbor or not, Pastor?

Surely not *every* youth pastor’s wife is smokin’ hot…

I don’t want to find Bigfoot. I want to be Bigfoot

I had a dream that I met Barack Obama at Tipsy Scoop.

I fell down for the first time in a long time. Since when did it hurt so bad?

I feel like I’d be a really good mom to the rizzler.

Haunted house but instead of clowns with chainsaws it’s an emotional conversation with my parents

Hey! Stop watching YouTube while your drive. Wtf?

She was voted prom queen. I was voted most likely to recommend a podcast you’ll never listen to.

Hey siri, what planet is making me want to kill myself?

You got autism from Tylenol. I got erectile dysfunction from White Castle. We are not the same.

I need one of those little “Not Friendly” vests that they give to dogs.

My stomach sounds like a washing machine. Please help me

Let the people enjoy the things. Your hateration is dork shit.

Sorry, I can’t tonight. I have to float-test my eggs because I forgot about them in the fridge.

Jamie Lee Curtits

That sounds like a threat

Pls don’t tell the middle aged white guys on Facebook about my degradation kink. I fear they’ll stop calling me slurs. :(

It’s fine. I’ll pay extra to get to the red light faster than everyone else.

Louder for the people in the back!

If you leave too much soul patch it’s just a second mustache…

@daveramsey1.bsky.social how do I budget for the end of American democracy?

He uses tax payers money to go to Disney and then has the audacity to run like *that*

Will I ever feel fergalicious again?

I think the ballroom is just to make the White House look like Mar-a-lago so when Trump is sundowing he stops trying to go home.

Carry on my gay worm son

The things I post on Bluesky would have killed on twitter back in the day. Elongated Muskrat continues to ruin my life.

I’ve dated at least two guys who sound just like Oliver Anthony. He’s not special.