And one other thing!

Q: How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

A: You look for fresh prints.

All the online guides I read said not to use the standard pick up lines.

So I asked her, "Did it hurt when you clawed your way out of Hell?"

I finally quit my job at the candy store.

So long suckers!!

Q: What do you call a parrot that can't fly?

A: A walkie-talkie.

I started doing lunges every day to improve my flexibility.

It's been a big step forward for me.

Did you hear about the troupe of mimes who were arrested?

They committed unspeakable acts.

My friend keeps telling me about how he can print a gun with his 3-D printer, but I'm not impressed.

I've had a Canon printer for years.

I don't want to brag, but I made six figures last year.

Then I got fired from my job at the toy factory.

I'm reading a horror story in braille. Something bad is going to happen.

I can feel it!

Q: What do you call a four-foot-tall psychic who has escaped from jail?

A: A small medium at large.

You'd think that finding your lost luggage in an airport would be easy, but that's not the case.

A limbo champion walked into a bar.

He was disqualified.

Q: What is the best material for making a ninja suit?

A: Leather. It's made out of hide.

I just lost 20% of my couch.

Ouch.

I don't love being a waiter, but it puts food on the table.

Did you hear the story about the tornado?

There's a real twist at the end.

Google is a bad influence. I searched "How to become an arsonist" and it gave me fifty thousand matches.

My spouse asked me if I thought our kids were spoiled.

I said, "No, I think all kids smell like that."

My wife gave birth to our son in the car on the way to the hospital. We named him Carson.

If your home doesn't have house numbers on it, you should address that.

I was looking up ice cream puns on the internet, but then my computer froze.

Q: What style of shoes does a frog wear?

A: Open toad.

Q: What do you call a French guy who's being mauled by a lion?

A: Claude

Q: How did the hackers escape from the police?

A: They ransomware.

The man who invented autocorrect passed away recently.

His funfair is on sundial at moon.

The intrernet connection on my farm is spotty at best in most spots, but in the barn, you can get a stable connection.

Trump Justice Dept. Pressuring University of Virginia President to Resign

www.nytimes.com/2025/06/26/u...

Funny how when Rogue One was first announced, I wondered if something as diaphanously light as Star Wars could support a more grounded exploration of war and fascism, and now the franchise has found its true voice (and relevancy) again in exactly that.

I started a band called Blanket.

We're a cover band.

Someone keeps sending me celery anonymously.

I'm being stalked.