Bob Carr

It Only Tuesday WASHINGTON, DC—After running a thousand errands, working hours of overtime, and being stuck in seemingly endless gridlock traffic commuting to and from their jobs, millions of Americans were dishearte...

theonion.com/it-only-tues...

Nah, not for an opera usher with a Mid-Atlantic accent. I'm thinking last-name-only, like Worthington.

Dr. Pepper La Croix?

I was working in College Station, TX, which was home to Texas Task Force One, around 30 high-ranking officers, and George H. W. Bush, whom the Secret Service wanted to hustle away.

The day quickly became surreal: every report said that all air traffic was grounded, but the skies over my office were FILLED with helicopters, transports, and even F-15s on overwatch.

On my way to work, listening to the morning DJ trying to make sense of the news. It was being reported as a tragic accident until the second plane hit. The DJ was silent for a long moment before saying, "This isn't an accident; we're under attack."

Oh dear sweet baby Jesus no.

Better: I still have a text on my phone from Andrea Libman that just says, "BRING ME LENA."

"Hey, remember when Lena toddled up the aisle at Nightmare Nights looking for Pinkie Pie?"

"Joel, am I tripping?"

"MITCHELL!"

Should've run them over with your bitchin' Camaro.

For my longtime friends...

...Lena is attending her high school freshman orientation today.

Southern church grandmas: casseroles in one hand, consequences in the other.

I have to ask: there was a crossover piece with the mascots for Nightmare Nights in Dallas. Did you happen to create that one?

Hurt people hurt people.

"I got Artax out."

Jamye and I use them. Customer service is...slow. Good coverage; unbeatable price.

Good freaking gravy that seems accurate. I don't have firsthand OR secondhand knowledge, but it just FEELS right.

Sanguine.

It's almost startling to consider how privileged someone has to be to not realize how sharp the difference between "bad" and "worse" is.

www.senate.gov/about/tradit....

I also completely understand why the Flash Sentry scenes were left out, but...hilarious.

Still wish the name of the monster remained "The Panda-ring."