Simon D. Heaven

You know what they call the Royal Rumble in France?

"Battle Royale with Cheese"

Count Dracula? One.

Also send tit use, and sus ent diet. Hi by the way!

I had a moment where I re-realised that Totti, Inzaghi and Ventola were different unplayable Italian strikers (and not all the same player) and none of them were the best in the league and I was like... yeah.

Ah cool. I've been doing an Inter 98/99 database save.
It's actually mental how many world class strikers were in Serie A at that time.

I literally have more 5 star strikers than I know what to do with.

Just got asked to present ID for beer.

I'm 36 years old.

I'm old enough to buy TWO beers.

L'Oreal means "The Royal Gold" in English. Except it doesn't because that doesn't scan. In English we would say "The Crown Jewels", which is a euphemism for testicles.

L'Oreal means The Bollocks.

Awoo

👁👁

I'm listening to the goon show now. I was listening to L&H back then (with parents' permission). By the time I reach sixty, I shall be crumpling pages of ancient greek comedies directly into my ears.

Now listening to:

Lockheed Martin - "Livin' da vida loca"

I've been playing guitar so long I remember before we had electric guitars.

Back then we all had to go fill them with petrol.

My house got bitten by a wolf on a full moon and now it's full of fucking boxes.

I ordered a coke from the bar, he said "regular?".

I said "let's just start with a one time only thing"

I saw a dog collar the other day, and it had the name "Fluffles", and two phone numbers on it.

Spoilt rotten.

Back in my day dogs didn't need phones, they were out climbing trees...

The polycarbonate cage falls around you.

"RELEASE THE BEES", I cry.

The polycarbonate cage falls around you.

"RELEASE THE BEES", I cry.

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, find out I baited you, and that it is in fact you who has been fooled. You thought I'd trust you again? What an idiot.

Ratio.

I wonder if this plucky dog food brand will find international success?

Listen kid, there's two things ya need in this business...

True story.

When my son was little, I told him that my mate, Jon Bon Jovi, was World tiddlywinks champion, and he lived on the moon.

I then sent us presents from him every year since.

My son is now 18 years old, and looking forward to what old Jon is going to get him this year.

a drawing of a wolf wearing a cowboy hat by southernwolf ALT: a drawing of a wolf wearing a cowboy hat by southernwolf

awu

Vintage Partis.

Now that I have a condenser dryer, I could never go back.

Dry clothes AND a little drink?

Don't mind if I do

Same fam. Not the milk thing, the mental illness.

If hindsight is 2020, is foresight 8080?

I PAID FOR THE WHOLE CPU AND I WILL USE IT ALL DAMNIT

What's the opposite of a class action lawsuit?

Nevermind. Anyway, so I just copyrighted the © symbol...

Maybe she's born with it...

...maybe it's Sertraline©

Brighouse, for one! X