Seantom

I never realize how much I’m holding in my farts until I’m alone in the bathroom and let out a hot air balloon’s worth

A movie that takes place where you’re from

A pair of silver aluminum barbecue tongs on a white background .

everyone automatically clacks these twice upon picking them up because deep down we all know we’re crabs

There’s this construction worker just outside my cafe and his arms are massive. I want him to tear me apart.

I loved it! Can’t wait for season 2!

I miss the days of humans scamming us. AI took that job too. We can’t have anything.

Satan: here’s your cash back baby girl!

At a restaurant that skipped a Rihanna song but not a Chris Brown song… send help

Recently an old man commented on my septum piercing, asking ‘is that a fish hook?’ Are you saying I’m a catch? You wanna take care of me?? I wouldn’t expect a corpse to have an original thought but you could at least try. Have a day, sir. Careful down those stairs!

Eating this kale salad like it’ll cancel out the ocean of alcohol in my bloodstream

Your enTITies are anything but discrete

Trying intermittent fasting has never been so easy (I’m broke)

Was almost hit by a car in a crosswalk twice in two days. Twice. I’m so upset. Upset that they didn’t finish the job. Where’s the commitment? Where’s the follow through? What are we even doing?

I JADORE when a customer tips me .25 cents on credit card. After tip share and tax, I will cherish my 2.4 cents

It’s super neat when it’s supposed to rain 100% just in time for your 20 minute walk to work, stop raining when you get there, then continue to rain once you leave. I was destined to be wet.

Time down in the subway is different. If you’re waiting 10 minutes, it’s actually 25 minutes. If you’re waiting 15 minutes, it’s 2 hours. If it’s 30 minutes, congrats you live here now.

Me: *pointing at baby’s sweater* Oh wow I have that same sweater!

Dad: yes, well her’s is from Baby Gap

Me: I also shop at Baby Gap!

Dad: okay

Men have no sense of humor

“Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?” Yes Katy, we are all full of plastic. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW??

Giving the customers unbroken eye contact while I stroke the steam wand. Working the tip for that tip.

It’s sunny, 70 and breezy in BK and I’m forced to work. Criminally homophobic.

If I sent you a meme and you tell me I already sent it to you, don’t. I have adhd and I’m trying my best.

Is Harry Jowsey queer or is he queerbaiting? I’m so sick of it and I can’t look away

Had a celsius for the first time today now I’m horny and scared

“Step out of your comfort zone” what is this ‘comfort’ you speak of?

Remember when Janet said “cause my swag is serious, something heavy like a first day period”? That’s my queen

On the wall of the bar bathroom someone’s written “straight guys can do butt stuff too”. Someone tried to erase it and obvi some repressed straight man is in dire need of some butt stuff

He was cute but he didn’t tip: a tragedy in 3 parts

yes yes I agree critiques of elon should not stoop to homophobia but seeing someone call him "sissy spacex" feels pretty good

Me: what kind of milk would you prefer?
Customer: lol the ONLY kind

Bitch, WHAT? So like, cow’s milk? Goat milk? Breast milk? Man milk?
I’m not playing this game with you.

lol