Rupert Lowe MP (farmer, honest!)

I have redecorated my house. Any one not following my lead is not a patriot and likely an immigrant.

Anyone not decorating their house like mine should therefore be deported immediately. No ifs, no buts.

Marine Le Pen Found Guilty of Embezzlement, Banned From Next Election Judges convicted the far-right leader of misusing EU funds and barred her from running in the 2027 French presidential elections.

This is blatantly discrimination. Embezzlers deserve far better than this.

Except, Marine Le Pen is a woman so I should probably be supporting this and harassing her.

www.wsj.com/world/europe...

So after kicking me out for being a racist misogynist who's harassed women, they replace me with a racist misogynist who's harassed women.

Yes, it's going very well indeed. It really is pleasing to learn just how much surplus cash racists and bigots have for grifters like me.

An announcement.

Today, I am launching a national inquiry into the rape gang scandal.

Of course I don't actually care and I'm not even in a position to launch a national enquiry. It sounds good though, and I'm sure I'll find someone to blame when the enquiry doesn't actually go ahead.

Have I mentioned I give my MP salary to charity yet today? I don't like virtue signallers, but I do love going on about how grand and charitable I am.

I make no apology for what I am about to say. I find your attack on the most needy in our land abhorrent. Some of the posh, entitled, privately educated you deem "awful" are borderline destitute, down to their last few million. And now Labour expect them to pay tax just like everybody else!

To all my followers who expect to see my constant tweets regarding small boats, I must apologise. For the foreseeable future, I will instead be posting about Jacqueline Perry KC 20 times a day, calling her out for her accusations. I will not stop until she retracts her statement that I harass women.

I have not harassed anyone, and I would never harass anyone. I will now hound this KC night and day, until he retracts his statement.

It remains to be seen if there really is a God. I am currently looking for another descriminatory group who pride themselves on racism, discrimination and fascism I can join. I had hoped to join NSDAP but sadly, they no longer exist.

"Disgusting and contemptible"!?

That's rich, coming from a man who turns up at board meetings smelling of fag-ash, stale-beer and failure.

Well, of course I'd still be part of Reform. This has all rather buggered my plans to oust Nigel and take over as leader.

We're the party of hate. Don't tell me you didn't realise we also hate each other.

You should see how he dresses for ReformUK PLC board meetings.

Admittedly, it's a tenuous connection. I turned my farm into a racehorse training center.

How dare you divulge I'm uncircumcised! I will be instructing my legal team to contact you.

That seems unlikely. I only join political parties comprising of white, privileged men.

Well thank you for your kind words Lee. That goes some way towards an apology for removing the whip from me.

I'm considering names for my own political party. Currently, I've chosen The Lowe-nly Party.

Rumours are circulating that I threatened Zia Yusuf with physical violence.

Let me be abundantly clear - this is untrue. I do not stoop to threats of physical violence so if anyone else repeats this libelous rumour, I'll knock their block off.

Uncanny! That's exactly what Nigel said to me when I said he should take Elon's advice and stand aside do I can be party leader.

I've won a prize! 🥳

Well, that's an unfair question. There's a 300 character limit on here, and it's a very long list.

That's actually quite threatening and just in case, I think I might have to hide in the interests of self preservation. I'll go to my constituency, no one would think of looking for me there.

I just don't know what this world is coming to. You do a couple of innocent little Roman Salutes, and everyone calls you a Nazi.

We are delighted to welcome Kaymey McIvor to the fold. Reform is proud to be made up of tax Dodgers, wife beaters and now a sexual deviant. We are currently in walks with the police so we can get Ivor Caplin released so he can join as well.

If your local laws are incompatible with Meta, then your local laws MUST BE CHANGED.

Oh, do stop boasting Lee. Just face facts, you'll never out smart a peanut.

I would like to offer my deepest sympathy to all my colleagues at Reform, who have to endure Nigel's leadership. Musk and myself are doing everything we can to rectify this situation, and I will be taking over as soon as possible.