Bitchy Birder

Oh, he really liked Sixth Sense! Had to pause partway through to take a break from some of the scarier ghosts.

I keep trying to get D1 to watch Unbreakable, but he has judged in advance that having water as a weakness is dumb. Which I guess also shuts out Signs.

Awwww, the Robert Wuhl character. I haven’t watched the movie in a long time but I remember his character being laughable/lame to me when I was a kid. Now I’m wondering if I watched it again whether I’d think he’s just reacting to things the way a normal person would.

I am deficient as a parent in many ways, but my reading aloud skill is not one of them. One day my kids are gonna look back like, “She would never play pretend with me, but damn, that bitch made Elephant and Piggie sound like Royal Shakespeare.”

The weekly urge to just throw out all of the mismatched socks and start fresh

“Former Child Star Gets a Glow-Up” but the “glow-up” is just not being 14 anymore

Love me a niche tweet

My Whig is snatched

Only space in my drawers for about 2/3 of my wardrobe at any given time!

I would rather cut myself than deadname a human, but I will never call HBO “Max” and you can’t make me, you were born Home Box Office, you can’t just pretend you’re something else, there is such a thing as objective TRUTH—

Starting the 9yo on horror movies and I’m sorry to the haters but The Village slapped then and it slaps now.

I flopped alongside you!

Very personally connected to this piece for more than one reason

Actually in pain today from the number of squats I did while cleaning my kids’ rooms yesterday.

I would rather be a joyous fool for the Spring of Deception than allow the shadow of Third Winter to fall sooner on my heart than on the cold earth.

What is the physical sensation of going from Innie to Outie? Is it like a pee shiver? Or more like when your ears pop? Or when you release a burp you didn’t know was trapped?

What is the grossest chore and why is it clearing the kitchen sink drain?

I… sort of loved how slow and quiet Conclave was? I love when movies take their time.

Apropos of nothing, I had a dream the other night that I was cast in a company production of The Importance of Being Earnest, but they told me my role was Basil Hallward, and I started ranting about how they had the wrong Wilde work. “Is this some kind of mash-up?!”

Still one of my better pieces of writing

back in my day… 🙄🫠

wHy dOnT You juSt sEnD hEr OutSIde???

Signed,

My (S)March was your April

Ever since I heard Mark Ruffalo say, “You’ve been thrice-fucked by the best,” all I can think is, “Now! Try the rest!”

Debt collectors will get nasty rude with ten year olds. Ask me how I know. “May I ask who is calling?” is my sword and my shield.

In the kids’ area of this doctor’s waiting room there is a hardcover book that says “Jumanji,” and I kinda wanna see what the deal is, but I am really out of shape

In other news I skipped True Detective Seasons 2 and 3 bc I could not withstand the grimness, but they got me back this season with Fiona Shaw who is being criminally underused, and Jodie Foster, who is playing a glorious asshole

I deactivated all my other social media because the scrolling was becoming too much, but now I’m going through SERIOUS WITHDRAWAL

My kids are damaging my friendship with myself

(To be clear I also love & subscribe to the above publications)

(To be clear also I love my kids)

“Couldn’t be me”

Bitch, 100% it could, stop lying to yourself and everyone around you