Tom

To be clear, the burger is very restorative

piggy dippin

i'll bet having all its kernels shelled off mechanically feels so good for the corncob

my theory is that they are made for kids, they came out when i was a kid and i thought it was incredible

neolithic guys get pissed if you tell them their cultures are organized by the type of pots and jewelry they made. "we called ourselves the blood hunters" "we conquered villages far beyond this horizon" sorry bud you're the western linear pottery culture now

I can already tell I'm not going to like this.

Mutually assured masturbation

sometimes if bsky shows me two bangers in a row from the same person i only repost one because i don’t want to seem like a kiss ass

what would jesus do? well he would probably repost me for a start

i’ve got two minutes before my teams meeting starts if someone wants to murder me real quick

take only flops leave only bangers

muppet red string / felt blood. muppet heads rolling. muppets murdering each other for human entertainment.

photo of a hard taco from taco bell with a shell made from doritos. the shell-shaped wrapper says "Taco Bell: TACO on the inside. Doritos on the outside."

of COURSE there's a technology the left is excited about

my bedside table, where my vibrator used to be, is now an almost empty bag of oyster crackers, and i’m not even lying.

[my hair holding a tiny suitcase]: hey man i'm moving to your back

Why did you block me, my man. Is it because you do not believe in the magic of parkour?

what base is this

Got kicked out of the gym today for setting off the smoke alarm while running in my corduroy shorts

it’s not like it could get worse

🧠: we gotta stop this

🫀: we're going
to keep doing it

The Left Won't Embrace Explicitly and Overtly Fascist Technology That Destroys the Water and the Air and Our Very Minds for the Profit of the Worst Most Fascist People Alive and Other Core Definitions of What It Means to be on the Left

i met steven cohen in south africa today

walking through his own gallery show

"I never see you at the club" yeah well I never see you sailing the underground complex of mercury rivers & seas in the mausoleum of Qin Shi Huangdi skillfully engineered to represent the hydrology of his vast empire

The correct way to perfectly soften butter is one stick under each breast for 10-15 minutes. You're welcome.

A constant rhetorical trope has it that "the left" is always doing it wrong and someone else knows how to right it.

this just called me a slur lol

I'm so fucking punk, he says cramming two wolves, a judge and Charlie Brown into a tired format skeet joke.

PRIMARILY DORITOS AND MICE BUT I CAN ADJUST THE OPACITY OF ANY MAMMAL WITH ANY CORN-BASED SNACK

these are centrists not left leaning

Come over and get under blankets and sip tea while we watch Time Bandits, we can even do hand stuff under the blankets (holding hands, patting hands)