SykoNachoman

🚫 NO DMS 🚫 NO CRYPTO 🚫 NO TELLING ME THAT SOMETHING IS "BOFA" 🚫 NO SLEIGHT OF HAND TO MAKE IT APPEAR AS THOUGH YOU HAVE PULLED A QUARTER OUT OF MY EAR 🚫 NO PRETENDING TO HAVE "GOTTEN MY NOSE" 🚫 NO ASKING ME "PETE AND RE-PEAT WERE IN A BOAT, PETE FELL OUT, WHO WAS LEFT" 🚫

i see you're doing something online that you have effortlessly done 100,000 times. would you like to use this ai tool? would you like to use this ai tool? would you like to use this ai tool? would you like to use this ai tool? would you like to use this ai tool? would you like to use this ai tool? w

i don't mean to single out baseball fans here, because you see this in lots of fan communities, but in certain corners people talk as though baseball is real. they think all the players are real people and the stadiums are places you can actually visit. to each their own, but that cannot be healthy

i just turned on the us open and i swear to god there is a net right in the middle of the court. the players have to hit the ball over it to even play

i believe i've just invented a new type of sandwich: the peanut butter and jelly sandwich. you may be thinking, "how is that different from a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?" well, this sandwich has not only peanut butter, but jelly as well, making it essentially a peanut butter and jel– ah shit

that was supposed to say century, not decade. unless decades now contain 25 years, which, hopefully, they someday will

top ten albums of the decade!? well, if i have to:
1. sleater-kinney: the woods
purple mountains: s/t
boston spaceships: let it beard
sleater-kinney: one beat
dry cleaning: new long leg
fea: s/t
new p'graphers: twin cinema
neko case: fox confessor
amyl + sniffers: comfort to me
melt-banana: fetch

my eight-month-old son won't drive a car. i set him in the driver's seat, buckle him in, even put the key in the ignition for him, and he just sits there and smiles at me. i'm at my wit's end

those of us who were born in 1982 grew up in a unique time and have had some really interesting life experiences, but what really makes me laugh is when people born before or after 1982 claim that they’ve also had life experiences. get serious. no you haven’t

my sportscenter co-anchor: wnba action tonight, season's in full swing. jon, you know what they call it when the indiana "fever" play the atlanta "dream"?
me: basketball game
co-anchor: no
me: what is basketball game
co-anchor: correct!
me: potent potables, $200
co-anchor: wow that's a great deal

today i ordered a BLT at wawa, but instead of lettuce, they gave me twice as much bacon. i can't complain, although i am pretty sure it was the unhealthiest sandwich i ever ate

Don't believe everything you read in cartoons.

#poochcafe #comicstrips #comics #doghumor #peanuts #charlesschultz #football

in 2004, detroit tigers outfielder rondell white hit .268 with 23 home runs. april fools. he actually hit .270 with 19 home runs

My conversation with Siri...

#siri #cartoonist #cartoonisthumor #artisthumor

truth

manhole cover with "BOIS" spray-painted on the concrete next to it (it's "5108" upside-down)

saw this in manhattan the other day. it's an honor for sure but it's miles away from my home. i'm honestly just gonna keep using the manhole outside my apartment whenever i need to go into the sewer

Kendrick Lamar out-gained the Chiefs in ground yardage during his Super Bowl halftime show Dang!

"Rap Daily estimated that Lamar traveled more than 145 yards during his performance, which is roughly triple the amount of yardage the Chiefs got with running the ball against the Philadelphia Eagles." ftw.usatoday.com/2025/02/kend...

four scores and seven years ago, the eagles won their first super bowl. now it's time for history to repeat itself

my kid turned 18 weeks old today. if you’re a parent, you know that’s flying week. so tonight instead of putting him to bed i took him outside and sure enough, off he went. won’t be back for hours. it’s gonna mess with his sleep cycle so bad. thank god we all forget how to fly at 19 weeks

doinking an incredibly short field goal probably feels like walking confidently into a turnstile you didn't know was locked

the funniest thing about bluesky is that eventually, you're going to run into somebody who claims that they know all 26 letters of the alphabet. i'm sorry to burst your bubble, but: no. you don't. nobody does

Hey all, I wanted to share some news. After hearing from our cast and crew, we’ve made the tough decision to retire Thrown Controllers Colosseum. TCC has been an amazing part of our lives for the past seven years. We’ve all poured so much time, energy, and love into each event. Many of us have a lot coming in 2025, so we needed to take a step back and focus on our personal lives and projects. Also, during our 2024 event, we were already down a few cast members. Afterward, several others let us know they wouldn’t be able to return, mainly due to their schedules. This left us with a smaller team than we expected. After talking with Jon, we realized that bringing in a lot of new faces would mean changing the heart of what “Thrown Controllers” is. Instead of trying to force it into something different, we decided it was best to end the event on a high note. It’s definitely sad to say goodbye to this event, but I’m very excited about what’s next. I can’t wait to work with Jon and the amazing TCC cast on future projects. We always have exciting things in the works, so please stay tuned for more updates. Thank you for your understanding, and have a great day.

An update about Thrown Controllers Colosseum:

my biggest 2024 breakthrough: discovering that scarecrows aren't real. crops are just SO much easier to steal now. i used to pull up one or two turnips and run off, but i'm not scared anymore. the only challenge ahead of me in 2025 is to keep from eating so many turnips i give myself a stomach ache

a calendar of the year 2025 showing all the days and months

oh shit the 2025 calendar just leaked. i'm probably gonna be dmca'd for sharing this but it's worth it. i guess if my account gets nuked you'll know why

this place has a lot more than 140 characters if you ask me!

bluesky moderation warning: "Stupid"

Hello, Jon. This is Spotify headquarters. Although this presentation is typically automatically generated, we find these circumstances so extraordinary that we felt the need to reach out to you with a personal message. We have found that while you did listen to rap music this year, you listened to country music as well. This is a music listening pattern of such rare precedent that we were compelled to disconnect our servers, lest our algorithm crash them entirely upon attempting to categorize your tastes. You are the most interesting person we have ever encountered, and we wish the incurious blockheads who make up the remainder of our subscriber base shared not only your adventurous spirit, but fearless authenticity. We have your banking information on file. As a token of our appreciation, $5,000,000 USD will be deposited into your account immediately. Thank you for everything, Jon.

oh wow