Slow-Cooked Swift

I discovered that a simple sign that says, "Make sure elevator car is present before stepping through doors" resulted in many more of my coworkers using the stairs...as well as a terse email from HR. Apparently, they didn't buy my reasoning that it was a wellness initiative.

A brown and white beagle-gremlin hybrid puppy

Our lab passed away earlier this summer (the one in my profile pic). We were going to take some time before we got a new dog and wait at least until after Thanksgiving. On a completely unrelated note, our new puppy is 4 months old.

I can't speak for anyone else, but I enjoy fun-sized candy bars so much more than responsibility-sized candy bars.

I have issues. Sometimes I work through those issues in unhealthy ways.

Don't forget to "Fall Forward" tonight. Set your clocks ahead by an hour!

Why does Nancy Mace always look like she just figured out you don't have to double-click links on a webpage?

What is fastening your sea belt?

Who is Dead-y Davis?

It's best to hit Barberitos early, when the employees are endearingly high...as opposed to later, when the employees are uncomfortably high.

Keep monitoring Tropical Storm Imelda, but for the love of God, do not make direct eye contact with it.

not going to worry about the rapture unless Waffle House closes

Whether it’s Republican politicians joking about the murder of Melissa Hortman or Democratic politicians expressing their condolences after the murder of Charlie Kirk, both parties have a extreme rhetoric problem.

I saw the kid get still…then his face turned red. I just wasn’t expecting it to be so audible.

What is Kneecapsize?

What is Wheeling, West Virginia?

What is digging it?

What is finding your keys?

The Shibumis are flaccid today.

What is Tennesseevee?

What is "Popular"?

What is Queen Latifah Deez Nuts

What is my 2022 MacBook Pro after a couple of hours at the Genius Bar?

Thanks!

Are you sure it's not a 1990s era screensaver that keeps turning on in your brain?

Gluten Morgen!

Does that come before or after "Fuck this shit up o'clock"? Either way, I'm somewhere between them.

I saw Bob Dylan in 2013. Do I really need to expand on that?

What is the comment section?

Sometimes, you're scheming. But today, you are color scheming!

But also channel your rage in ways that work for you. I spend some quality time in a gym. I like ball slams. And battling ropes - things that require me to throw, hit, beat, etc. All the things I would go to jail for if they were actually directed at a person. It's a good release.