Jay Walker - Professional Navel & Star Gazer

SM: You're gonna say shit strangers like.
Me, 30 yrs ago: Why?
SM: So they'll LIKE you.
Me: So what?
SM: They might even FOLLOW you.
Me: Why would I want strangers to follow me?
SM: Well, they're not strangers if they like you.
Me: I like me. I don't give a fuck.
SM: One day you won't & you will.

WARNING:
Netflix & Chill Leads To
Disney+ & Children.

People who use the word Delish should be eaten.

I find young people and their sheet pan meals incredibly difficult to digest.

I don't might you comin' here:

-wastin' all my time
-hangin' out
-talkin' in your sleep

But would it KILL you to put your coffee cup in the goddamn dishwasher?

Joking makes it hurt less.
Oh, it still hurts. But less.

*Turning on the light in the bedroom and walking in on the cats who are intertwined on the bed; doing whatever cats do. (they're fixed) They both give me THAT look.*

WHOOPS. SORRY FELLAS.

*I turn out the light & leave*

It's a party if I got the three dubyas.

Whiskey.
(I make a mean omelette)

Whores.
(For a good joke).

Watermelon.
(Gotta spit somethin!)

Yeah 👍

Says it's low carb. And if it weren't for the 2 cups of sugar, I wouldn't eat it.

Anyone else here remember UPN?

Imagine if they survived and had a streaming service.

UPN Streaming.
(Say that slowly)

Writes itself.

My Mogwai is so dirty. Think I'll give it a bath today... Let ya know how that turns out.

Motorbread

Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Beer is free. Tomorrow.

Oh look. YOUR dog effectuated on the carpet again.
WHY IS HE ALWAYS MY DOG WHEN HE EFFECTUATES?

I think I could listen to Sting all day without getting bored. In fact I just did.

Guys. I told you not to spin Susan in a circle. It'll make her lazy.

Well. Hey. Next rotation, ask her to hand me the salt, would ya?

My talent is pretending to have talent.

Yeah, I'm a 58-year old male who LIKES Fluffy Bunnies, Sparkle Ponies & Unicorns just FUCK with the ALGO!

Gotta keep it real, MTHRFCKR!

Anyone know why the two young women are yelling at the white cat? They seem really upset too.

Saw the Flag of Mexico flying out the back of a pickup truck today. Did my heart good.

The peaceful summit. One of them loves this, one of them is indifferent, one of them is plotting mass murder.

I'm a very giving lover.

If going down the slide with you naked will please you, I'm totally down.

Just know.

I get to go first.

Whatdya mean? I always travel with a coffin filled with my native soil. Doesn't everyone?