finn

bring me on

@thesquareball.net the flying leeds fan rides again (from sam cam on YT. nb, NOT samantha cameron)

idea 9: blench™

idea 8: nipstick

onside again

yeah he was on

who’s the ‘we’ in that sentence #lufc

one of neighbours is absolutely crushing a rendition of stacey’s mom, fair play

i have searched for “snooker butler” on jobs hell portal indeed and it has yielded 0 results

what, then, would you have me do

ads are certain my cat’s an ‘obligate carnivore’, but i’ve seen her eat AND shit metal, so i think she’ll be fine with her felix

idea 7: and then i go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like ‘booblahboo’

idea 6: become a made in chelsea influencer or a real housewive so i can start describing each fart i do as a ‘fragrance release party’

idea 5: everyone else to never again call it ‘jacking/jilling off’ and to call it ‘downstairs whack attack’ like a normal adult

idea 4: tell my contemporaries and elders that ‘mukbang’ is zoomer for anal

idea 3: refer to sunglasses as ‘eyesicles’ (thought up while watching the matrix)

idea 2: ‘have more fun’ with my chronic gut pain by referring to diarrhoea as ‘nasty fasty anal blasty’

idea 1: a sandwich that i called the dippin’ dappin’ meat be happ’nin’

(i’m averaging abt 2 ideas per year so far)

a while ago, i had it suggested to me, professionally, that i wasn’t ‘an ideas guy’, so i have spent the subsequent months noting down my ideas to prove my worth. will update thread as more occur to me

a note from a language app that reads: “heads up! the swedish word _chef_ is a false friend meaning _boss_. the english _chef_ is a _kock_ in swedish.”

yeah, well the swedish chef’s a muppet in english

the projectiles are the many many mushrooms on my inferior breakfast

anyway, long story short: i didn’t update this app and it stopped working for weeks then i got stung by a wasp

e.g., the wasp won’t be going around whining on about how they had to sting a me today (nor will they do anything ever again, they’re dead, i destroyed them)

like, out of me and any wasp, who’s the bigger problem for everything

got stung IN THE NECK by a wasp today which i’d like to embed in the controversial context of me thinking wasps are basically fine

what’s the noun for one of these