juice box

you might wanna watch wheel of fortune tonight...may see a familiar face...

good, now he can change his name from zohrunning

I was totally in favor of president trump sending people in masks to run around and terrorize other people's neighborhoods, but now there are people in masks running around and terrorizing *my* neighborhood! why would the democrats do this?

feeling overwhelmed? take a couple minutes away from whatever you're doing right now and take some deep breaths. that should give you enough oxygen that you don't have to worry about breathing for the rest of the day

rogers centre more like dodgers center imo

lots of people today talking about "no kings" and a "cease fire". and I'm just wondering what all these people have against the san diego padres' pitching rotation

yhinking about Gritty Again

that mariners-tigers game is exactly how I would describe my hog: not the longest ever, but still way longer than average, and not so long that it would be uncomfortable if you were to take it all in

I just found an infinite money glitch in real life. just follow these simple steps to get rich quick:

step 1: outback steakhouse

sponsored by ketchup

a screenshot of espn.com showing the toronto raptors' schedule, where it clearly states that the raptors will be starting on october 22 and *not* on september 23 as many people are claiming

y'all are like an entire month off

does it count as "distracted driving" if the thing distracting you is the voices in your own head

yeah I go to planet fitness. fitness whole planet in my mouth 😉

charlie kirk got shot 0.3% as many times as hind rajab. those are rookie numbers

turns out that not only is billie eilish younger than I am, she's actually been that way her entire life. how does she do it

is it really 1:54 am if you're not hearing the screams of children from the blacked-out van driving past you on a dark road in the middle of the woods?

this is so cool! I've already used this technique to fail to remember every single word of the bhagavad gita

an ad for very small adidas sneakers with the description "campus crib shoes kids bliss pink kids..." they cost $40, and no I have no idea why I got this advertisement considering I neither have kids nor wear shoes

oops! that's seven words. try again :)

so how was everyone's birthday

uh oh! the queenslanders are at it again!

everybody always asks whataburger but nobody ever asks howaburger

elvis was correct when he said it was "1 for the money" but he was wrong about it being "2 for the show". thanks to modern advancements in technology we now know that it's actually "2 it for the bit"

my favorite independence day is the next one

69 trombones led the big parade (nice) (seven of them are deceased)

I'm not worried about the password breach. all of my passwords are securely encrypted with a double caesar cipher so that nobody can crack them

governor news cum

Russia has no plans to download a car

when the great odist richard astley declared that "you know the rules - and so do I", he clearly was not referring to the game uno®

how did you spend your memorial day weekend? I spent mine fingering a vacuum cleaner, and I know my great grandpa would be prouder than he's ever been

I've stroked it countless times and I've never smelled toast so idk what you're talking about